What It's Like To Have A Smart Brain But A Dumb Heart
Ever since I was little, I've done well in school. Honor societies and Dean's lists are nothing new to me. I went on to Fordham University, where I double-majored in photography and media studies and graduated with a 3.6 GPA -- all while interning and working. In order to juggle all of my jobs and courses, I had to make balance a priority.
Excelling in school became second nature to me. But when it comes to relationships, I've usually been pretty stupid. I can choose the right answers, but somehow I'm always falling in love with the wrong person.
Unfortunately, love has no textbook, and there's no formula for when things go south. In relationships, anything can happen. Feelings come and go without explanation. It's not fair, and it's not black and white like most things taught in school. And when you put your all into a relationship and get nothing in return, it's like handing in an A+ but getting back an F.
What's worse is that my heart and brain are in a relationship, and my heart wears the pants. I feel like the female version of Frankenstein, given Einstein's brain and Dopey's heart.
I was blessed with a smart brain, but I was cursed with a dumb heart.
My heart pushes me to trust too easily.
Every pain I've felt made me who I am, so it's important to me that my partner knows my history. Once I trust a guy, I'll stick his finger into every bullet hole and stab wound in my heart; that way, he'll know all I've been through.
Unfortunately, I often choose the wrong people. And by opening myself up, I reveal my vulnerabilities to the wrong partner.
And in doing so, I teach him exactly how to take advantage of me.
My heart convinces me that my feelings are reciprocated.
If I use my head, I can see things for what they are. But since my heart is the dominant way I perceive the world, it sometimes blinds me. It's like rubbing your eyes too hard -- I start to see shapes and colors that don't actually exist. My heart is a master at simulating a love that just isn't there.
My heart suffocates my chances at something real.
My heart leads me to the deep and dark back alleys of love, where I always wind up hurt.
Heartbreak is like getting crushed by a wave. You're knocked off your feet. You're disoriented. There's no air to breathe.
And if you become infatuated shortly after the hit, and that love doesn't work out either, it's like getting hit by a second wave as soon as you try to come up for air. But sometimes in this life all we can do is keep fighting to take a breath.
My heart makes me overly hopeful instead of realistic.
My heart scribbles all over the expectations that my brain sets.
As a result, I think that a partner will have the same heart as me, and am wrong every time. I think that someone will put in the same effort as I do and that they will care a much as me, but it's never the case.
I always care more. And the fact that my heart tricks me into believing that my boyfriend will love me as much as I love him just hurts me in the end.
My heart drowns out all of the warning signals my brain tries to throw at me.
Life and relationships never come with how-to pamphlets or legitimate instructions. Instead we have to figure out how to read people without a Rosetta Stone to their souls.
There is no concrete alphabet to decode. Instead we turn to facial expressions, gestures and sighs as cues into seeing how someone feels about you.
I was definitely a former CIA agent in my past life, because I'm very intuitive. But once my heart gets involved, all suspects look innocent.When my brain sees red flags, my heart does a good job of making those flags appear like a normal part of the scenery.
My heart frustrates my mind to no end.
It's very frustrating to be able to make smart decisions in every other aspect of my life except for the one that leaves me the most exposed. My dumb heart makes me feel like a dumb person, but I know I'm not. I'm just human.