Why It's So Easy To Meet Assh*les, And So Hard To Meet Good People
It's really easy to be an assh*le. You just have to not give a f*ck. You don't have to care about how your actions affect other people's feelings.
You don't have to care about consequences. In simplest terms, your life is one big, lazy, f*cked-up Hakuna Matata.
It's a lot harder to be a good person. It actually takes some heart, work and effort. After all, nice gestures don't just happen. Good people actually put a lot of thought into things like thank-you cards, praise and presents.
Unfortunately, since it's so much easier to be an assh*le, assh*les are abundant in classrooms, offices and especially in the dating world.
The dating scene is an assh*le's watering hole. Assh*les roam in herds, for f*ck's sake. The good people are all hiding under a rock somewhere in fear of having their good natures stomped out by the cold-hearted.
So here are just a few reasons why is it so easy to meet jerks and so hard to meet good people.
Assh*les flock to fun places, especially when there's alcohol.
Assh*les natural habitats are, and have always been, the bar and club. Basically, if there's alcohol present, your chances of finding an assh*le shoot way up. Even for some good people, alcohol is the potion that transforms Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde.
This doesn't mean that EVERY person in a club is necessarily an assh*le. But the odds are much higher.
Assh*les turn into assh*les because of other assh*les.
The assh*le infection is easily and quickly spread. It's like a zombie outbreak: Once you've been attacked by someone emotionally, physically or both, you could turn into a walking assh*le. What comes around goes around.
Instead of overcoming your pain, you become what caused you hurt. The Psychiatric Clinics of North America confirms this phenomenon as a "compulsion to repeat the trauma." It says that "re-enactment of victimization is a major cause of violence. Criminals have often been physically or sexually abused as children."
If you have been abused, you are more likely to harm someone else. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. But it does help explain why there are so many jerks around.
The media trains men, in particular, to become assh*les.
TV and movies teach people how to treat others. And they're teaching everyone the ABCs of assh*lery.
Variety quoted a study from the Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film at San Diego State University that states that in 2014, "85 percent of films had no female directors, 80 percent had no female writers, 33 percent had no female producers, 78 percent had no female editors and 92 percent had no female cinematographers."
This means that men, not women, decide what society sees most of the time. Sadly, this has led to women being sexually objectified in the media to the point of normalcy.
When men are constantly exposed to breasts and butts, they become desensitized to the objectification of women. Movies teach men that women are objects, which can make men feel like they are entitled to women's bodies. Ms. magazine supports this theory by saying "exposure to images of sexually objectified women causes male viewers to be more tolerant of sexual harassment and rape myths."
In other words, movies that sexually objectify women (which are most) give men all over the world the green light to mimic what they are seeing on screen: harassment of women.
It's really no wonder why there are so many jerks running around.
Good people are afraid of getting hurt (again) by assh*les, so they make themselves less available.
In the beginning of this article, I mentioned how the good people have probably all crawled under a rock. And in a sense, they have. Once you've been hurt, you aren't as likely to put yourself out there because you fear having the same bad outcome.
Good people are gems. Super rare, sparkly, shiny, priceless motherf*cking gems. They get tired of being handled by people who don't know their worth. They don't want to ever get devalued or scratched again. So they put their guards up and somewhat hide inside their shell as a form of protection.
But even though good people are so much harder to find, it doesn't mean that we should stop looking for them. We just have to be patient, because it's far more rewarding to uncover a precious rock then to settle for a heart of stone.