Why Alone Time Is The Key Ingredient To A Lasting Relationship

by Joe Elvin

Being one half of that perfect couple... the couple still in the honeymoon period, years after that first passionate kiss. Having that long-lasting relationship, where you still lust after one another like lovesick teenagers.

It's what every man and woman dreams of... and I had it.

Throughout our time together, we were fascinated by each other. We would constantly amaze one another. We couldn't wait to rip one another's clothes off whenever we had the chance.

I've had my fair share of long-term relationships, but this was the only one that didn't go stale. If anything, it only got stronger.

Sure, we always made an effort to impress one another. We planned epic adventures and romantic dates. But I don't think those were the things that kept us so crazy about each other.

In fact, I'm not sure it was anything we did while we were together.

The secret ingredient to being that constantly smitten couple was actually hidden in the time we spent apart. Here, I'll explain exactly why that's so important:

1. Learn to love time alone.

We both had hobbies. We both had huge, individual friend groups. Perhaps most importantly, we both had passions we would pursue for hours without speaking to another soul.

She adored working on art projects. I could spend entire afternoons perfecting a blog post. We were both fitness fanatics, but would always work out individually.

Although we loved to socialize and spend time together, we could feel similarly fulfilled sitting alone. We cherished our own company, and this is what made us stronger as a couple.

If we were to ever break up, we'd both be just fine... and we knew it. Hanging out together made us light-headed and giddy, but we never needed the other to be happy. Knowing this kept us our best selves until the bitter end.

I think that's the main reason we remained so besotted.

2. Learn to love yourself before you love another.

I'd fallen madly in love with women before. Both times, the relationships fell apart because one person needed to spend time with the other.

One would get upset if the other had made too many plans alone. Arguments would start. Feelings would get hurt.

It's a terrible foundation for a relationship to build on.

It's even worse when BOTH halves of a couple are co-dependent. This may even look like true love because both can't seem to do without the other.

Yet, deep down, the relationship is simply based on two insecure people unleashing their inner pain on one another. Typically, both treat the other terribly. But sadly, neither has the courage to call it a day.

That's why I'd urge all people to work on falling in love with themselves before they even start searching for relationships. Create a life so incredible, you don't need a lover to feel fulfilled.

Dating and self-development coach Michael Valmont agrees this is the vital first step to finding true love.

In a recent video posted on his personal blog, he said,

There is nothing more important than loving yourself. Absolutely nothing. A big part of actually learning to love yourself is being honest about what you want and expressing that to yourself and the world. First and foremost, listen to that deep intuition about what you want to become, who you are and start expressing that.

So, whether you're single or coupled up, spend some time alone doing what truly makes you happy. It's the healthiest thing you could do for your future love life.

3. Your partner is not your purpose.

It's a myth that women are after men who love them more than they love anything else in the world.

Yes, a woman would want to be most important person in her partner's life. However, this extends to people only.

Most woman want a man who has a deeper life purpose than just pleasing her. If this wasn't the case, she'd feel smothered, pressured and completely turned off.

David Deida explains this extremely well in his famous book, "The Way of The Superior Man."

He says,

Although your woman seems to want to be the most important thing in your life, she actually can trust and love you more if she is not. A man's highest purpose is his priority, not his intimacy. Your woman knows this. Deep inside, she really wants it to be this way.

So, don't be afraid to spend some time away from your partner. Practice your passion. Discover a new skill. Reconnect with yourself.

It will make your romantic connection so much stronger.