Nobody likes first dates.
They’re awkward, they usually involve some kind of drink or meal that you’d rather not share with a stranger, and there’s always that hesitant question at the forefront of both your minds: Are we going to have sex later?
Thanks to a lot of poodle skirts and antiquated ideas about dating, first-date sex has become a topic of controversy, with many of us still believing in the shameful stigma attached to it.
Despite our generally enlightened attitudes in this new-age hookup culture, we’re still viewing sex on the first date as a make-or-break moment, leaving most of us to agonize over what the right move is.
We’re so caught up in society’s expectation of us that we disregard our own personal desires. We’re too busy trying to decipher what the other person is thinking that we don’t listen to what we actually want.
Why put all this power and judgment into the guy’s hands? And moreover, why would you want to be with a man who judges women in this way?
Sex should not be viewed as an exchange of goods, whereby women give it as a "down payment" on a relationship and men receive it as a "thank you" for taking her out to dinner. And having sex on the first date shouldn’t negatively impact your chances of a long-term relationship.
Let’s strip sexual activity of all it’s damaging implications and bring it back to what it is: just sex.
We’ve done the research and here it is, straight-up: There’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date. We’re not going to think less of you or judge you. We’re not going to slut-shame you. And you shouldn’t feel apologetic or guilty.
If you’re feeling hot and you want it, then you should have absolutely no qualms about going for it.
And if that pep talk isn’t enough, how about this statistic? A 2012 Singles in America survey found that 55 percent of singles reporting having had sex on the first date (66 percent of men; 44 percent of women).
People want to get it on, and they’re caring less and less about when it’s so-called ‘appropriate’ to happen.
Here are the 7 science-backed reasons why you totally have sex on the first date.
1. He won’t think less of you
A 2013 Cosmopolitan poll found that 83 percent of women believe men will think less of a woman who has sex on the first date. (That’s a lot of mind-f*cking, ladies!) But the reality is that the majority of guys, specifically 67 percent of those polled, maintain they absolutely don’t. So we can now all put this common fear behind us -- the numbers don’t lie.
Perhaps that skepticism is coming from your own insecurities about having sex. "If you know that sleeping with someone won't bring out your best or will make you needy, it's a good idea to wait," says Andrea Syrtash, co-writer of the book, "It's Okay to Sleep With Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked." "However, don't wait because you think the guy will lose respect or interest. Wait because of how it will affect you.”
Your decision to have sex is your own; it’s not about him. Regardless, guys who are interested in you and want to see you will still follow up and pursue you -- especially after they’ve seen you naked.
2. You’ll keep him coming back for more
Who says that having sex on the first date will turn away guys? Have you met them? They love sex! If you’re confident and enjoy what you’re doing, then they’ll be more inclined to return for seconds.
In this scenario, having sex on the first date actually benefits you and increases your chances of a second meeting.
Remember too that men are pretty basic when it comes to dating and sex. If they like you, they like you.
As Jeff Wilser, co-author of "It's Okay to Sleep With Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked" tells Cosmo, “In the history of planet Earth, no guy has ever said, "She's awesome. She's intelligent. She's sexy, and she's into 'Game of Thrones.' There's only one problem.…We hooked up on the first date."
3. Cuts the sexual tension
If you don’t have sex early on, the pressure to have it builds too greatly. Each subsequent date becomes a constant mind-game of “Should I keep waiting? He’s taken me on three dates, should I just do it?
Maïa Mazaurette, columnist for GQ magazine in France, agrees saying, “Because Brits and Americans are wary about when to move the relationship into the bedroom it makes us more prudish when we finally get down to it.”
When sexual tension builds, you’re likely to become more awkward and over-analytical about why it’s not happening. Think like a Frenchwoman and don’t be afraid to take a bite out of that baguette!
4. Chemistry is chemistry
Jeff Wilser says it best, "If there's chemistry, there's chemistry, and from the guy's perspective, it doesn't really matter if we hook up on date one or date seven.”
You don’t need to turn sex on the first date into this momentous decision. If you both are into each other, then there’s no good reason not to enjoy each other more.
5. They want it!
According to the 2012 Singles In America study, 41 percent of New York men regard sex on the first date as “very appropriate” or “somewhat appropriate.”
So don’t be hesitant on the guy’s behalf. Chances are he wants it just as badly as you do, and he isn’t condemning the act either.
6. You find out if you’re really connected
Sexual compatibility is important part of a relationship. By having sex on the first date, you get to establish that special connection early on. And if it’s enjoyable, it’ll only increase your attraction to one another.
"In this day and age, more people recognize sex as an important component of a successful relationship, not something to be ashamed of," says Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a social psychologist at Harvard who studies relationships and sexuality. "For those people, it's important to establish sexual compatibility early on, and having sex on the first date may be the right move for them."
7. ….You get to have sex!
Even if you eventually find out you hate this person, at least you haven’t wasted your time. Stop stressing about how it appears and look on the brightside, you’re getting it in!
Philip N. Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of Maryland, assuages all our fearful reluctance with some profound logic: at the end of the day, it’s not about sex, it’s about your attraction to one another.
All that matters is how much the couple like and are attracted to each other, which determines how many dates they have, and whether the guy calls back. It appears that the first-date-sex couples usually don't last because people don't know each other very well on first dates and they have a high rate of failure regardless of sex.
What are you waiting for?