Calories Don't Count: 49 Times Your Period Actually Did You A Solid


Being on your ~lady time~ is by no means fun. But I think it also gets a bad rap. Like, no, spending a few days a month in excruciating pain and turning your favorite panties into a crime scene is not all rainbows and butterflies.

And how could I forget the blinding rage that takes charge over every thought, feeling and action? So, yeah: For the most part, periods blow.

But when they don't blow, they kind of rock. Hear me out for a minute (or for however long it takes to enjoy this fantastic post in its entirety). Periods are like a monthly hallway pass for life.

Don’t feel like working out? Skip the gym! Want 10 boxes of See’s Candies? Buy 20! Want to wear your jammies out on the town? Do it!

Getting your period means a few blessed days when Mother Nature lets you give zero f*cks about anything, and nobody can say sh*t about it.

You are going through a terrible, traumatic experience; in this very fragile time in your life, the world really and truly should revolve around you. EVERY day is Treat Yo Self Day when you’re on your period.

I like to think of my period as my #1 frenemy. She is a mortal nemesis sent straight from Mother Nature. But every once in a while (49 times, to be exact), she really pulls through for me.

1. When it put an end to your pregnancy scare.

2. When it got you out of having sex with that guy.

3. When it gave you an excuse to stay in.

4. When it was your excuse to skip the gym.

5. When it gave you the gift of a good cry.

6. When it let you pick a meaningless fight with your boyfriend.

7. When it gave you a reason not to believe your weight.

8. When it gave you an excuse to eat whatever you wanted.

9. When it let you lash out against the world.

10. When it gave you the right to don your Abercrombie sweatpants and Taylor Swift's Red tour t-shirt for five days straight.

11. When it let you rock your fav granny panties all day, errrrrryday (or for the remainder of your period).

12. When it gave you an excuse to be a total nutcase.

13. When it let you just be BAD and binge on reality TV and Us Weekly.

14. When it gave you an excuse to go sheet-shopping.

15. When it gave you the balls to send that psychotic-but-necessary text you’d been avoiding.

16. When you gave zero f*cks that it made you look like the Grim Reaper.

17. When it gave you a hilarious story (or 30).

18. When it let you spend an entire day watching Netflix and eating cheese puffs with no regrets.

19. When it gave you boobies.

20. When it was over and suddenly you had a newfound appreciation for your clear skin and dry panties.

21. When it got you out of wearing white.

23. When it let you be an unapologetic bitch.

24. When it confirmed the validity of your friendship by syncing your cycle with your bestie’s.

25. When it gave you an excuse to go underwear shopping.

26. When it gave you something in common with every woman on planet earth.

27. When it embarrassed the sh*t out of you and you learned that life goes on.

28. When it gave you a legitimate excuse to hate men.

29. When it got you out of PE in high school.

30. When it made you appreciate the healing magic of an Advil Extra Strength.

31. When you could blame your dumb mistakes on “period brain.”

32. When it took you less time to get drunk.

33. When it put you in your place by reminding you that nature will do what the f*ck she wants.

34. When it made you cool in middle school.

35. When you used it as a secret weapon to scare the sh*t out of every man you know.

36. When it helped you build some character.

37. When it got you out of wearing a bikini.

38. When it got you out of wearing your tight jeans.

39. When it gave you a reason to appreciate the other 25 days of the month that much more.

40. When it let you throw a pity party for yourself.

41. When it let you feel every feeling.

42. When it left you with no choice but to take a personal day.

43. When it gave you an excuse for Mount Vesuvius erupting on your forehead at age 27.

44. When it gave you peace by reminding you that some things are out of your control and bigger than you.

45. When it gave you the inspiration to ball out at See’s.

46. When it gave you a free pass to take a Xanax and drink wine in yoga pants (rather than actually go to yoga).

47. When it gave you the necessary reminder that women are superior and strong enough to handle periods and pregnancy.

48. When it made comfort your only concern.

49. When it reminded you of your ~womanhood~.