You Shouldn't Have To Change Someone: Why You Shouldn't Date A Project

by Natalie Anastasia

Most people know an amazing girl who’s dating a bit of a low life. When this happens, we all ask ourselves the same question: “What is she doing with him?”

While the rest of the world sees this couple as being completely wrong for each other, the girl is probably oblivious to the fact that she’s way too good for him. Since I used to be that girl, I’d like to explain why this union happens far too often, and why girls should avoid getting involved in such a relationship. Attention, ladies: Don’t date “projects.”

Why do good girls go for bad boys?

Sometimes, girls who have their sh*t together find a sense of fulfillment in dating boys who do not. These are the boys who say, “I want to change,” and the silly girls respond by saying, “Let me help!” Been there. Done that.

The attraction to projects — the boys who need serious help in life — rests within their helplessness. We can't help but love them like they're newborn puppies. While their cute faces scream, “I need you!” on the outside, their inner demons are just waiting to lash out, chew up your shoes and pee on your carpet.

There's just something about a bad boy that every good girl craves. She wants to bring something interesting into her life because everything else seems so simple. Too simple. That's where the project comes in. Typically, good girls like to fix things. They know how to fix their grades when they're slipping, they know how to fix conflicts in their friendships and they know how to fix a loose button on a cardigan. But sadly, unlike these controllable solutions, male projects are generally completely unfixable.

I have learned just how dangerous this type of boy can be firsthand. Since he needs you for motivation, you are inhibiting yourself from fulfilling everything you are capable of accomplishing. It’s almost like being responsible for another human being while you’re trying to accomplish your own dreams and goals. You have to tell him to get off the couch and do his homework. You have to bribe him to stop smoking pot so much and start looking for a part-time job. Is it really worth it?

He might have a nice smile and a good taste in music, but are you going to want to marry someone who can’t motivate himself? My schedule is way too hectic to fit in managing someone else’s life. Trying to date a project is extremely draining because you spend so much time and effort trying to fix what is most likely a lost cause.

On another, equally important note, would you feel comfortable introducing a project to your friends or parents? We should be selective as we choose with whom to share our lives. Make sure that the guy with whom you spend your time possesses the important qualities of a person you’d like your best friend or sister to date. You want the best for your loved ones, so make sure to demand the best for yourself as well.

So I propose this alternative for the girls who are attracted to projects: Give the good guys a fair shot, too. I did, and I found that contrary to my assumptions, good guys are far from boring.

A good guy actually puts time and effort into your relationship. He'll plan fun and spontaneous dates for the two of you (beats spending the night helping your project fill out job applications, right?). He'll remember all the little things you tell him, surprise you with nice gestures and he’ll make your life better, rather than more stressful.

Most importantly, he can motivate himself. If you are a driven, independent woman, why not date a driven, independent man? You both have your own ambitions and goals. You both have your own friends and lives. So when the two of you come together, you may create one rock-solid relationship.

So drop the project. Let another girl waste her time trying to fix him and start giving the guys who don't need any fixing a chance. It’ll push your life in a much more positive direction.

Top Photo Credit: Tumblr