Flirting is an art. Unfortunately, not many of us are blessed with the talent of being any good at this art.
In fact, flirting is a bit of a LOST art. We’re so wrapped up in our cell phones and social media that we’ve basically become a generation that is inept at in-person conversation -- especially with the opposite sex. None of us know WTF we are doing when it comes to having a real-life conversation.
We can come up with the wittiest of Instagram comments, but God forbid we need to joke with a cute guy or girl at the bar.
But it seems like we always blame dudes when it comes to being terrible at flirting.
People neglect to remember that women can be just as bad at flirting as men. Just because guys USUALLY make the first move doesn’t mean we ladies won’t say or do something RIDICULOUS that will guarantee that we’ve made the LAST move. Of the entire night.
Yes, we women are often the culprits when we end up going home alone. We’re great at sabotaging ourselves.
When it comes to helping a guy along, we're not often much help when he starts to f*ck up his attempts to talk to us. We aren't very good at helping him get back on the horse. No wonder we can be unapproachable; we’re pretty unforgiving.
The point is this: Male or female, we all pretty much blow when it comes to flirting.
Here are the confessions of eight real women and all the times they either failed or experienced a miserable fail while attempting to flirt. You'd be surprised how many of us think bringing up Hogwarts is a way to get some ass...
1. Fact: bringing up "Harry Potter" will NOT get you laid.
This one time, I was sitting at a bar, and I started chatting up this hot dude next to me. For whatever reason, I decided I should ask him if he liked 'Harry Potter.' He said he’d never read 'Harry Potter.' I could not believe this. How could anyone have not read 'Harry Potter'? Anyway, I went on a 20-minute rant about the merits of 'HP' and how he needed to read the series in order to LIVE. Needless to say, I got balls deep in this heated, one-sided debate, but nothing got balls deep in me that night.
- Scarlett, 24.
2. This dude is the definition of thirsty.
I was at a bar with friends, and after dancing for a while, we went to grab a drink. I was standing at the bar when a tall, blond guy who seemed pretty sober came up to me and started talking so low that I kept on having to ask him to repeat what he was saying. Then he said/screamed (so I could hear him better -- what a gem), 'You look like you're having a great time! Hey bartender, I'll have what she's having!' Then the bartender rolled his eyes (same) and he gave the guy water, since that's exactly what I was drinking. This was apparently a curveball for Blondie. He then started a long conversation with me about how great water is. Yeah, dude. I love water too. We should totally get married.
- Kelli, 22.
3. Maybe don’t call a guy you’re hitting on a “whore.”
I pretty much always wind up calling the guy a whore every time I find out how many people he's slept with. Oops.
- Jessica, 23.
4. Once again: "Harry Potter" will NOT get you laid.
I have a tattoo of the outline of Hogwarts on my arm, so when I first got it, I was all about people trying to guess what it is. The amount of times I got things like 'New York City skyline' or 'heart rate monitor' is staggering, but seriously. If you live in New York and think that this looks like the f*cking skyline, you’re probably an idiot. So one time at a bar, this guy was like ‘Hey, it’s Dracula’s castle.' And I’m like 'Nope, guess again.' This guy spent literally 10 minutes RANTING about how SURE he was that this was a Transylvanian castle because the f*cking flying buttresses or whatever and I’m like ‘Dude, no.’ Needless to say, no buttresses came flying that night.
- Izabella, 23.
5. You know what makes sh*t awkward? Talking about how awkward sh*t is.
The other night a guy came up to me at a bar and I wasn't really into it so I was just kind of short with him. He kept trying to make awkward small talk until he had an all-out FREAK-OUT. Out of nowhere, he goes: ‘It's so hot in here. Isn't it so hot in here????? Wow, I can't stop sweating. I think it's because I'm so nervous. Seriously. I am SO nervous. Is this awkward? Isn't this awkward? I feel so awkward. Why can't I stop talking?’ This went on for a solid five minutes as I sat there in complete silence. I probably could have stopped it by saying something, but it was like one of those train wrecks you just cannot stop watching. Finally one of my guy friends pretended to be my boyfriend and he left.
- Candice, 23.
6. The chair was out to get her.
One time, in high school, a very cute boy was talking to me and I either farted or the chair made a weird noise (I honestly don't remember which, but the point is, there were fart noises coming from somewhere near my butt) and I cut myself off mid-sentence and screamed ‘IT WAS THE CHAIR!’ and ran out of the room. My best friend took my seat and started talking to the same cute guy (because good for her, some good should come of this; someone should get to lose their virginity) and the same sound happened again. She cut herself off and screamed ‘IT WAS THE CHAIR!’ and ran out of the room where perhaps I was waiting to console her when things obviously didn't work out.
- Taylor, 26.
7. MySpace messages are probably not the way to go.
My freshman year of high school, I was convinced this guy had a crush on me because we made eye contact, like, four times at lunch. He was good friends with my BFF's boyfriend, so I really thought I had a chance here. One day, I saw him running during his wrestling practice on the sidewalk outside of our school. I did this weird scream/wave combo, and I immediately messaged him on MySpace. It was something along the lines of ‘Did you see me see you running during wrestling practice? How did it go!?!?’ Obviously, it didn't work out, and I spent the next two years before he graduated avoiding him in the hallways.
- Aly, 25.
8. Telling a guy he has a small dick is even worse than bringing up "Harry Potter."
I’ve always found that the c*ntier I am to guys, the more they like me. Except for this one time. I told a guy he was ‘clearly compensating for something.’ Fun fact: You really shouldn’t tell a guy he has small dick if you plan to see it that night.
- Grace 25.