Whether we’re cognizant of it or not, when meeting a new person, one of the first things we ask is: “So, what do you do?” Though some are annoyed at this inquiry -- insisting that what they do does not define who they are – the truth is that we can tell a lot about a person based on his or her occupation.
A graphic designer, for example, is usually a creative thinker who simultaneously enjoys the structure of a desk job; while a consultant might be more of a demiurge who likes to be independent of a boss and office. In both scenarios, we can further deduce what kinds of personality traits are associated with each job.
We have friends who say, “I could never date a lawyer” or “how do you withstand your investment banker husband’s long hours at the office?” And on the flip-side, there are men and women who “need to marry rich” or “need a spouse with a stable job to start a family.” While we’d rather not admit to it, a partner’s career can be a huge factor in deciding if we want to commit or not.
If you’re a woman on the prowl and hunting down your next prey before it gets exponentially colder or if you have a birthday coming up and want to lock-down a great gift, we’re giving you the ultimate guide to choosing a mate based on his occupation. So you don’t have to be so transparent when you’re trying to pick up a dude at the Young Professionals Convention.
The Finance Guy
Wolf Of Wall St
Probably the most arrogant of the bunch, the finance guy thinks he deserves a medal because he works endlessly and stimulates our sh*t-turned economy. You can easily spot an analyst or stockbroker outside the office (investment bankers are still at the office working) because they are the only tools that think a full suit is a good look at a dive bar.
They have more than enough money to buy you multiple drinks, if only to obscure the fact that they don’t have distinguishing personalities. They base their logic in terms of investments, which could go something like this: “If I spend X amount of time on this girl, will I get just a makeout or a full blowjob afterwards? What is the return on my venture?”
The more established the finance guy, the more scandalous his life is because he's sucked into the ‘money conquers all’ mentality that working at a big bank forces upon him. It is not surprising, therefore, that we’re constantly reading about the Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan scumbags of the world who get greedy and launder, embezzle or flat out steal money for their own wealthy empires. For this reason, you can never fully trust a finance guy – he knows too much and you don’t know enough about private wealth management (which naturally includes you, his female asset).
The finance guy has a traditional job in the standard corporate chain and therefore wants a conventional woman who doesn’t ask questions and appreciates what he gives her in exchange for her promise to never grow old (appearance or otherwise). He’s a routine kind of guy who frequents the same few clubs that allow him access, prefers trying new restaurants to trying new sex positions, and has a Netflix queue that’s bigger than his penis.
Since he’s all about the bottom line, in his eyes, you better be worth his dollars and cents.
The Real Estate ‘Professional’
We put “professional” in quotes because there’s nothing professional about having sex with your potential clients in order to, quite literally, seal the deal. Real estate guys like to distinguish themselves as being either “corporate” or “residential broker.” Unless you’re the fortunate fellows featured on Bravo’s “Million Dollar Listing,” the residential market will always be a true hustler’s job.
For all intents and purposes, assume we’re talking about the corporate guys who will detail upfront every distinctive facet of their job because heaven-forbid they are mistaken for an ass-hat realtor who helps customers find places to live.
A corporate real estate guy is all about wining and dining, so accordingly he’ll take you out to upscale lounges and cultural events. He’s a smooth talker who can persuade you into giving him a strip tease as easily as he can into buying a $30 million property. He’ll schmooze you at the bar, charm you in the bedroom (to make up for his…er, shortcomings), and -- like any good business deal – f*ck you over in the end. You’ve been warned.
He’s not about to settle down because he knows that if you wait long enough, there’s always better and greater coming out in the market. For this reason, he’s gone through everyone his own age and starts dating younger women. He’s very into location, so be sure to pretend like you grew up in a swanky zip code before answering where you’re from.
As an expert salesman, the real estate guy will champion his positive qualities and hide his flaws (that is, until you finally realize his fancy briefcase filled with useless memos and black Amex are all a front). He’s entertaining clients around the clock, so don’t expect any real quality time with this man. While he caters to work, he expects you to cater to him.
Remember, just as no building is sold in perfect condition, he’s going to need a little renovation.
When you ask a lawyer where he went to school, be prepared for two answers – the first being the crappy undergrad education he mutters under his breath; the second being the name-brand law school he proudly attended. As such, he thinks he is superior to other humans because he’s endured more schooling than they have and has attained a higher degree.
Chances are he just recently came into money and a social life (three extra years of education and studying set him back), so he’s the one going ham at the club and partying like you did as a recent grad. He probably had a girlfriend throughout those grueling law school exams and is now ready to re-enter the dating the world, which means he’ll be a little rusty with the pick-up lines and suave advances. Don’t be so quick to brush him off, however, because even though he’s a shark in court, at the end of the day, he’s an honest guy at home (he took an oath, remember).
After dealing with liars and cheaters as his clients, he wants a woman who is straight-forward and understands both sides of situation. Due to the nature of his job, he’s all about winning, which makes you his most prized possession. He’s a shrewd, but devoted man; he works and makes his money on behalf of his clients, after all. He’ll work a lot in the office and then go to work on you (wink, wink).
Dating a lawyer is as good of deal as a plea bargain – if you’re found guilty of his charge, you won’t mind serving him time.
The entrepreneur is definitely a cool, innovative guy – just ask him. He thinks because he made his money at a young age that he’s above traditional rules and regulations. He posts inspirational quotes from start-up guys like Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs on his Facebook and is constantly spamming your inbox with his latest business idea.
When you go out for a date together (which consists of walking the Highline and grabbing food from a trendy street cart -- whose owner he coincidentally knows from the entrepreneur-focused TED Talk) he’ll completely discuss his company’s latest stats unprompted and the merits of being your own boss. The entrepreneur pities the people still “working for the man” despite his humble beginnings as a low-level account executive.
He enjoys dating a woman who will challenge him and maintains her own independence. He can’t be bothered with a needy girl that pulls him away from his tiresome work as a public figurehead of a major startup. He’ll only be seen with a straight 10 due to his high-profile social life, huge social circle and even bigger ego. The larger his brand grows, the more scandalous his love life is because he actually has very little time for love, but all the time in the world for sex.
The entrepreneur has one true love: his company, so be prepared to be second best.
The Doctor Or Researcher
If a doctor is still single by the time he’s out of med-school, make it your priority to swoop in for the girlfriend title. Chances are he’s smart, about to make a ton of money, and who doesn’t need a doctor in the family to save cash on check-ups and trivial health inquiries?
Aside from the obvious (like how he knows his way around your body), the doctor has a quirky sense of humor that has been cultivated from eight-plus years of classes with science geeks. He gets as excited over a dinner date as he does over a new stethoscope. And he is chock full of nerdy biology jokes that he’s also fond of tweeting.
Don’t expect the doctor to be on time for your plans; he works late, is usually on-call and his patients take precedence over you. But, assuming he’s not having an affair with one of his nurses (wedding rings do come off!), he’ll be fiercely loyal because he has no time for anyone else.
The musician and the artist (and even sometimes the actor) are very much alike – the only difference being their mode of talent. He’s a passionate guy who is as equally fervent for his craft as his women, whom he often cites as his muses. He’ll overanalyze your Spotify playlist, recommend obscure bands to listen to, and judge your love for Justin Timberlake.
Pretty soon you’ll be bragging to your friends about your extensive indie-record knowledge and saying things like, “I knew The Lumineers before they were The Lumineers.”
When he takes you back to his place, or even in your own apartment, he’ll insist on playing the music to get down to. If you start a relationship with the musician, you’re also in a relationship with his band-mates, groupies and extensive posse that comes with producing music. Since he doesn’t make much, you’ll go on crafty, but exciting dates to breweries with live music, poetry slams, art galleries or outdoor festivals.
Nab him before he quickly becomes a sellout.
The Engineer Or The Architect
If possible, these guys are even more intelligent than the doctors due to their innate aptitude and lifelong achievement of high markings. They are very by-the-books type of guys, but what they lack in creativity, they make up for in their ability to solve any problem. It also doesn’t hurt that the engineer is making tons of money building bridges, movie sets or high-rises.
Due to their busy schedules and brainiac tendencies, engineers are not the most social of the bunch. They have trouble with coordinated dance moves and loud music, so don’t expect to go clubbing with these guys. The engineer prefers seeing the latest sci-fi movie (lucky for you, “Gravity” was actually pretty awesome) and reading side-by-side in bed. Beware: they’ll give you gifts that they asked their mothers to help pick out, so be prepared to fake-fawn over lame jewelry, ugly scarves and random trinkets.
Like his construction works, your relationship will be sturdy, predictable and successful.
The teacher is the guy who no one listened to in high school, and therefore feels the need to now command a classroom full of kids. He’s sensitive, considerate and will often ask you how your day is going or if you’re feeling okay. And because he has summers and holidays off, he’ll be a great companion (especially for the times you need him to be home for Time Warner Cable and the plumber).
The teacher likes to give out grades and will probably do so even when they are unwarranted. For example, he’ll say things like, “Wow, you were terrific back there in bed. A plus!” or “That movie was a total B minus.” He also believes that kids are people too, so be careful when you insult obnoxious middle schoolers or confess that you hate children.
Like his students, he probably has some growing up and a lot of learning to do.
The Filmmaker Or Producer
Because he’s part of the entertainment industry, the producer will be very superficial and obsessed with the trades, celebrity gossip and who’s who on the A-List at the Boom Boom Room. He’ll call you his “doll” or “babe” because he doesn’t actually bother to know your real name (please, we’ve seen enough of “John Tucker Must Die” to see through this one). And he’s most likely too enraptured in fictitious stories rather than focusing on his real life, so expect him to blur the lines between a real and fake relationship.
The filmmaker tries to understand you as if you’re a character in one of his screenplays, which results in him kind of compartmentalizing your personality. He’ll compare you to a type of actress in order to better appreciate your persona – are you a Natalie Portman or a Sandra Bullock or Blake Lively?
But with the producer comes great perks like swanky soirees, invite-only benefit dinners and red-carpet events. He lives his life as if he’s living the movie version of himself, therefore it’s important that you insert yourself as his leading lady or else, like all Hollywood types, he’ll go for the hotter and easier starlet.
He’ll try to impress you with his extensive knowledge of film and screen arts. A typical date would be going to the Tribeca Film Fesitval, exclusive screenings or old-fashioned drive-thrus, and re-enacting scenes from his favorite movie release.
As a man in the movie industry, he’ll demand the spotlight but will also be lights, camera, and action in bed...just seriously, make sure he’s not filming you.
Top photo USA Networks/Suits