I can’t imagine being a mother. I can’t imagine loving someone with such intensity that his or her pain and sorrow becomes my own. I can’t imagine a piece of me walking around in the world, hurting, cold and suffering.
I can’t imagine raising someone I know better than myself, only to grow up and leave me. I can’t imagine my heart and soul being contained in another being, someone so capable of destruction.
I can only try to imagine what that feels like. I can only guess, from the little I know about love and empathy, about what it must be like to carry the weight of that love. I can only speculate about the thrill of living through an extension of yourself, an extension you can only hope turns into your best friend.
That time must come slowly, then quickly, as if all at once -- the little girl or boy you once worried about being cold no longer needs you to worry (even though you still will) about them.
They come home again and are suddenly these people you want to get to know all over again, people with thoughts and opinions and dreams you never knew they had.
And it’s not just from a mother's view -- children (who aren't children anymore) are finally ready to get to know the people who raised us for all these years.
We come home and all those petty fights, silly arguments and deep fractures start to fade, and we see our mothers not just as the women who've raised us, but the women who are just like us.
Their temper, their habits, their mannerisms, their very being reminds us of ourselves. We want to get to know them, we want to be near them, we want to be friends with them.
Like a rebirth, we go back to them. We accept their nurturing, no longer slapping away their advice or offers. We begin to want to be around them, enjoying time spent at home with them instead of with our friends.
Because contrary to everything we shouted and proclaimed growing up, we are indeed, becoming best friends with our mothers.
1. When you broke up with the guy she hated, but she still let you cry on her lap for three hours.
2. When she knew the family party was going to be awkward, so she bought you your favorite booze.
3. When she stopped telling you that you’re perfect and told you those pants don’t look good on you.
4. When you start to want to call her instead of feeling obligated to.
5. When you finally start telling her where you're really going.
6. When she stopped cooking for you, and sat down to eat with you.
7. When you started feeling like her favorite, and she started started treating you like an equal.
8. When she stopped worrying about you, and you started worrying about her.
9. When she stopped paying for your cell, and you started picking up the meals.
10. When you actually became friends with her on Facebook.
11. When you were the person she started leaning on.
12. When you stopped ignoring her advice and started asking her for it.
13. When you could actually sit through those awkward sex scenes on your favorite HBO show together without cringing.
14. When you stopped hiding your alcohol and started having cocktails together.
15. When you screenshot her texts and you get mad "likes" on them.
16. When she stopped telling you to clean your room and started telling you to enjoy life more.
17. When she stopped picking out clothes you hate and started wearing clothes you want.
18. When she she stopped cleaning up after you and you started cleaning for her.
19. When she stopped telling you to grow up and you started telling her to.
20. When you realized she isn't perfect.
21. When you stop having secrets and started confessing things to her.
22. When she asks you to run errands with her, you don't make excuses.
23. When you go home to visit, you're not looking forward to seeing the friends you went to high school with -- you're looking forward to seeing her.
24. When you see something she'd like and you buy it for her.
25. When you understand her problems and she's had all yours
26. When she starts buying you gag gifts for your birthday.
27. When you and your aunts start making fun of her together.
28. When she accepts that every guy you're dating isn't going to be the one.
29. When she stops sugarcoating the hard truths in life
30. When she accepts you have some wisdom to give her.
31. When you understand her relationship with her husband, not just your dad
32. When she actually takes your recommendations on music and you go to a concert together that's not a birthday present.
33.When going out to dinner is exciting and fun instead of mandatory.
34. When she's no longer just driving you to the event, but going to it with you.
35. When staying in with mom on a Saturday night is no longer a sign you're grounded.