Did He Really Say That? 61 Thoughts Every Girl Has On A Terrible First Date

By Gigi Engle

First dates are inevitable. They cannot be avoided if we ladies are seeking companionship, so we’re forced to put ourselves out there and hope that when we meet a guy, he'll be worth our time.

We dream of making him our boyfriend, of introducing him to our parents and having amazing sex in-between Netflix marathons.

First dates can be either some of the best or worst experiences a girl can have, but a bad date means losing two hours of your life that you’re never going to get back.

For the rest of the week, you’ll wonder why you wasted your Saturday night on such an awful experience with a weirdo who chews with his mouth open and likes to quote "Seinfeld" more often than is socially appropriate.

A lot goes through our heads on a terrible first date. We’re basically saying everything we aren’t thinking, feigning interest until we can make a beeline for the exit.

Here are all the thoughts that go through every girl’s head on a horrible first date.

1. Oh good, I’m five minutes late.

2. Fashionably late, but not rude.

3. I hope he’s cute.

4. Or at least decent looking.

5. His pictures were good.

6. Is he here yet?

7. I don’t see him anywhere.

8. Wait, no. That can’t be him.

9. Oh my god, he’s coming over here.

10. That’s definitely him.

11. Is he… balding?

12. He is balding.

13. He looks nothing like his pictures.

14. He’s nowhere near 6 feet.

15. Going in for a hug -- and duck for a handshake.

16. Did he just quote "Lord of the Rings"?

17. Okay, what to order?

18. He’s talking about his mother.

19. Just pretend you care.

20. Do I text my BFF to get me out of this now?

21. No, it’s too soon.

22. Just order something small.

23. Oh, Thank God the waiter is here.

24. Vodka soda cannot get here fast enough.

25. Yep, just downed that drink pretty fast.

26. Food is here, great.

27. How did I not figure out this guy was a freak when we texted all week?

28. His laugh. I can’t.

29. Duck for the bathroom.

30. I hope he can’t see me hiding at the bar.

31. I'll be having a tequila shot if I’m supposed to deal with this sh*t.

32. He has food in his teeth.

33. Do I tell him?

34. No, probably better to just make it out of here in one piece.

35. That’s okay; I don’t care for another drink.

36. Oh, okay, he’s having another drink.

37. That would make four.

38. I need to get out of here.

39. I hope going to the bathroom for a second time isn’t too rude.

40. He can’t possibly think this is going well.

41. Back at the table again, and he has a fifth drink.

42. He’s slurring his words.

43. I haven’t been asked one question tonight.

44. That’s fine, though, because I don’t want him to know anything about me.

45. He wants another drink.

46. Terribly sorry; I have to be going.

47. Motioned to the waiter for the check.

48. He just scooted closer to me.

49. I can literally feel his whiskey breath on me.

50. Leaning away.

51. So nauseated.

52. Thank God the check is here.

53. He asked to split it. Classy.

54. Oh no, I’m sorry; I can’t go to another place with you, sir.

55. Whoa! Going in for a kiss.

56. Another graceful duck.

57. This guy is so drunk he can barely stand.

58. Hailing a cab, pronto!

59. Blocking his number.

60. Never again.

61. I’d rather die alone than ever go on another date.

Photo Courtesy: Entertainment One/The F Word