33 Things That Will Inevitably End Your Night Before You Do
When you go out, you have a game plan. You know where you're going, what's going to happen and who you're going to rage with. You have a blueprint for the evening ahead — even if it's relatively flexible.
Sure, you may get more wasted than you'd originally intended — don't we all, all the time? — but there's some semblance of familiarity in your every move.
You know your favorite spots, you know the estimated cab fares... you got this.
But, sometimes things take a turn for the worse. Sometimes you plan to dance until 3 am and yet, something stops you, something gets in the way of your perfect night out — the night you'd planned on all goddamn week.
It happens to the best of us. There are certain things we can't control that will, inevitably, end up ruining our night.
Whether it's a broken heel, a sh*t-faced friend or a tragic lack of booze, we've all had nights where we aimed for a lack of inhibitions and instead ended up with no one to make out with and too much $1 pizza.
When any one of these things happens, all you can really do is go with the flow, get it together and ship your ass back home. Unlike the perfect one you made, the universe has other plans for you tonight.
Take the unappealing hand you've been dealt and grab a cab. Somehow, it's probably for the best.
The powers that be are letting you know it's time to call it a night. Consider it a saving grace -- even if it seems like another Friday night of horror.
These are 33 things that will end your night before you do:
33. The spins.
The world is just one big blur and you don't want a part of it.
32. Losing your phone.
There are five stages of emotional destruction and not a single one is pretty.
31. Your drunk friend throwing up.
You hold her hair back, but you know your night is over.
30. The hiccups.
Once they start, they never stop.
29. Losing your wallet.
You can't buy more drinks now.
28. Drunk crying.
Whether it's you or one of the girls, once the pipes open, they are open all night long.
27. Breaking a heel.
And these shoes were new, too.
26. The bar is only playing Kanye.
Why are you here again?
25. Maxing out your credit card.
You can no longer buy shots and you're much too drunk to get them paid for…
24. When someone needs an ambulance.
23. When there were too many drugs.
Your heart just might explode and this isn't fun anymore.
22. Taking too many shots in under an hour.
Whose idea was this power hour?
21. When you know the $1 pizza place is closing.
The question is: Can you make it before 2 am because your night WILL be ruined if not.
20. When you forgot an extra tampon.
Sometimes stuffing tissue just isn't going to be enough.
19. When you went over your limit.
You said four drinks and somehow have had 14.
18. Losing your friend at the bar.
Sarah, I told you we were doing the buddy system!
17. Chipping your tooth.
Yeah, that's called college.
16. When you blackout too early.
You shouldn't have had so much Jameson at the pregame.
15. Because you woke up at 6 am and have no energy.
Your mind tells you "yes," but your body tells you "no."
14. Ripping your skirt.
If you can see your panties, it's time to go home.
13. The shot that makes you overwhelmingly nauseated.
No more, please. If I even smell Svedka, I will vom.
12. When the bartender cuts you off.
If he's cutting you off, the party is over — or wait, you can go to the bar next door.
11. An ex showing up at the bar.
You called custody of this place in the divorce.
10. Making out with someone who isn't cute.
OK, so he might have been a six sober, but he's an eight now.
9. Your debit card getting denied.
The judgmental looks of those around you are too much.
8. Your friends ditching you for another spot.
That's just damn rude.
7. Being inappropriately dressed.
No one even said you were hitting the club, but maybe you should have thought ahead.
6. Your boss emails you with a last-minute assignment.
It's an emergency, he says. SMH.
5. Realizing you tweeted something highly unprofessional.
You'll pay for that one in the morning.
4. Breaking your phone.
A screen shattered is a shattered night out.
3. When the bathroom line is a mile long.
And you know you won't have an issue with the one at home.
2. When you get in a bar fight.
You lost a chunk of hair and it's not even midnight.
1. Running out of cash at a cash-only spot.
Who even carries cash anymore, amirite?