O' My: Standing Up For The Female Orgasm And 4 Ways To Achieve It
I’m just going to say it: My vagina is a feminist. Just as my mind, heart and soul believe in equality for women in the workplace, classroom and home, my vagina believes in equality in the bedroom.
For too long (try thousands of years), the female orgasm has fallen by the wayside.
It's been overlooked and forgotten by men (and women) who see it as nothing more than a happy but unrequired coincidence they can brag to their friends about, or something to dismiss as a fantasy.
But the time has come for women and their vaginas everywhere to take a stand and say enough is enough: My orgasm does exist.
And while it may take a little more skill and effort to make this elusive event appear, it deserves every bit the same respect as its male counterpart.
This isn’t to say there hasn’t been any progress. Some men are definitely attentive to women’s needs.
However, ABC News recently reported that almost 75 percent of all women will never reach orgasm from intercourse alone and as many as 15 percent of women may never reach climax under any circumstances.
On the other hand, according to studies by Carol Queen, staff sexologist and researcher at Good Vibrations in San Francisco, at least 75 percent of men climax during intercourse every time.
Um, hold the phone! What's going on here?!
Fortunately, there are ways to stand up for the female climax so women can make it without the need to fake it.
There’s no simple answer because we’re all unique, but here are some ideas that should hit the spot.
Take A Trip Down South
Get to know and appreciate what is down there and figure out what you like. For this you might invest in a good vibrator.
While we’re at it, let’s just throw out the stigma that women shouldn’t be masturbating or watching porn; that is so last century.
Most porn is not made with a female viewer in mind (duh), but that’s only because women have historically taken such a passive role in sex.
If more women assert their desire to enjoy sex, perhaps the demand will be fulfilled.
You don’t need to invest in a BSDM "50 Shades" sex room, but there’s also no reason to avoid toys or adult entertainment.
Find out what works for you and you'll be sure to see stars.
Getting To The Source
The morse code of the female orgasm can be tricky to decipher and understand. A lot of the time, we don’t even understand it ourselves.
According to every movie and porn video ever, women magically orgasm at the exact same moment the guy does, both them then collapsing into each others arms, back in the real world.
But according to recent surveys, only about 25 percent of women experience a climax during intercourse.
Despite debates about the female G-spot, studies have shown the majority of women orgasm from clitoral stimulation, rather than intercourse.
This is due to the thousands of nerve endings in that magical nether region; the inside of the vagina doesn’t have the same kind of potential for stimulation.
In the book, Dr. Lloyd states, "The clitoris has the indispensable function of promoting sexual excitement..."
Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist and author of "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman," also emphasized this point, stating, "Nine times out of 10, [a woman doesn’t climax] because [she isn't] getting enough continuous clitoral stimulation."
A big step in the right direction may be refocusing your partner’s attention to increase stimulation where it matters.
Try to find positions during intercourse that mimic a position you masturbate in, or one that leads to the most clitoral stimulation.
Some women find that being on top can help them control the angle better.
Knowing what kind of foreplay does it for you matters and giving the most direction possible will help your partner know what you like. For example, some women enjoy oral sex while others don’t.
Communicate with him so he knows what works for you and doesn’t, even if it feels a bit uncomfortable to give directions.
This isn’t an instantaneous process, but rather, a work in progress. Hopefully your partner won’t give up when it takes longer than the 2.5 minutes he requires.
And, guys, pay attention your lady's needs and her body signals.
Women often need to be in a confident, sexy mindset to get the juices flowing, so help get us there with some romantic gestures like a candlelit dinner or flowers just because.
That also means turn off "South Park" or ESPN when you want us to get in the mood, and hold off on farting and burping.
Whether you are more soft or aggressive depends on what your partner has communicated she likes. Communication is key.
Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That
Selfish sex is bad sex. If your partner doesn’t care about your needs in the bedroom, then sayonara.
The right guy will stand up for the female “O” as much as you do, and won’t shame or embarrass you for bringing it up.
Fortunately, new generations of men seem to be more in touch their feminine sides and more aware of their female counterpart's needs.
This smarter, more in tune generation gives us hope that one day, no woman will have to ask, “um, is it my turn?”