When it comes to communicating with guys, they aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be. And that’s because instead of accepting the fact that we’re not all compatible with one another, we make excuses and keep pursuing the wrong people.
We’re all guilty of it. We talk ourselves into believing some plausible rationalization for a guy’s erratic, rude or unresponsive behavior because it’s easier to swallow.
Sometimes, though, our justifications are just delaying the inevitable -- that you two aren’t meant to be together. In this case, it’s not worth wasting any more time on a guy who isn’t suited for us. Making excuses isn’t the answer, owning up to reality and moving on is.
We know what we’re doing, but we do it anyway because, life. Here are the common justifications we make for guys and what they really mean:
1. He means well, he’s just spacey
When a guy is blatantly ignoring you or is clearly uninterested, we tend to soften the blow by putting the blame on him.
He’s tired, he’s unable to focus right now... if he were that exhausted, he wouldn’t have come to the party in the first place. Nope, he’s barely tolerating your existence in the name of being polite.
2. He’s in a meeting, really focused at work and slammed
When he doesn’t text back immediately, we have a tendency to panic, re-read what we wrote a bajillion times over and ask all of our friends for their approval (the text was, verbatim, “hey you”...).
There’s no need to put ourselves into a tizzy, conjuring up silly scenarios as to why he hasn’t responded.
Eventually he’ll write something back (barring any 3 am booty calls) -- the response time means nothing and usually is his way of playing games, which you know better than to indulge. And on the off-chance he doesn’t reply (he sucks!), well then, you just got ghosted.
See also: He’s really into his sports game. He’s playing video games. There’s a fight on.
3. He’s a typical guy, he doesn’t think like that
So you said something weird and you’re totally regretting it. While he probably caught on to the awkward slip you blurted out, he also probably doesn’t care all that much about it (unless it was something especially creepy like, “I’ve seen you before in the window of your apartment”).
The guy will stick around not because you made some half-legit excuse for him, but because he’s genuinely interested in you.
4. He texted me the next day
Texting a girl you just went on a date with or slept with the morning after is the polite, gentlemanly thing to do, regardless if you like her or not.
Which is exactly why we women need to stop believing that the day-after-text is then grounds to envision our wedding and the rest of our lives together. Say it with me now: Don’t put the penis on the pedestal!
5. He’s still getting over his ex
Any guy who isn’t "ready to be in a relationship," just isn’t ready to be in a relationship with you. If he’s super into you, then trust us, he’ll forget about his ex in a flash.
Don’t give up, just don’t hold out. You know what they say -- the moment you stop showing interest is the moment he starts.
6. You can’t help who you love
When your friends collectively hate the guy you’re seeing, we pull out these handy catchphrases to make ourselves feel better about it.
The reality is, however, that our friends know us best, have our best interests at heart and wouldn’t be putting your friendship on the line if it weren’t for a serious cause.
You might not be able to help whom you love, but you can also be open to meeting new people who might be better suited for you.
See also: “Our relationship is private; people don’t understand.”
7. He’s not going out tonight
This one gets tricky. Perhaps he really does have a big meeting the next morning... on a Saturday… at 8 am... but if he’s not going out, then why hasn’t he invited you over instead?
Sometimes you have to trust that a guy is telling you the truth. Sometimes you have to trust that that guy who looks uncannily like your boyfriend at the bar is actually your boyfriend at the bar flirting with someone else.
8. He has issues
More than you do? Maybe, but that shouldn’t hinder him from being able to pursue you effectively. The real issue is that he’s probably just not down to date you. And if he really does have issues -- then consider yourself warned.
Photo via We Heart It