17 Struggles Every Girl With A Jewfro Has Endured Since Her Bat Mitzvah
You have your wavy hair, then you have your curly hair -- and then you have your Jewfro... that's not right, is it? Oh Karen, yes, yes it is. Having a Jewfro is drastically different than any other type of hair.
It is not a style, it's a lifestyle; it's something you begin dealing with during the Bat Mitzvah years and will never stop dealing with for the rest of your life.
Some people may be wondering what the difference between a Jewfro and traditional curly hair is — but if you have to wonder, you are one of the lucky ones, and this part of the show isn't for you.
But to my fellow members of the tribe who have been facing the struggle ever since your first Hot Tools flatiron, I feel your pain and I suffer alongside you.
Jewfros aren't just limited to the female population, as they extend to males as well. Fortunately, for that demographic, the Jewfro can work in their favor, but females experience no such luck.
Seth Cohen proved this to be true on multiple occasions during his time spent on the iconic "O.C." -- I mean, just look at him:
He gave us a reason to be proud of our Jewfros. But despite this, we still hold on to our straighteners for dear life because, unlike Seth Cohen, we have vaginas and thus our Jewfro is a curse.
But what is life like for those who rock this look?
1. No one has ever seen your hair in its natural form.
...And they never will. You honestly don't know what your natural hair even looks like anymore since you blow dry and straighten it the second you emerge from the shower.
2. People tell you all the time, "I'm sure it looks amazing curly."
First off, if it looked amazing, I'd be rocking those curls every damn day. Don't you think it's a little easier to just go along with the fro than to fight it with a plethora of product and styling tools?
Secondly, if you've never seen it, how would you even know?
3. Going out in inclement weather is your own personal hell
Humidity is your worst enemy, and while others look forward to a hot summer day, you know exactly what that sweat will cause... a fro.
4. Your awkward stage was infinitely worse than someone without a Jewfro
Even your parents were aware of how awkward your teenage years were for you. Sure, they never told you this back then, but now it's something you laugh about together.
5. Your dad can't wrap his head around the fact that you spend over $500 to "get your hair done."
Actually, this goes for any man. Men spend -- at most -- $30 on a haircut and then they are set. Women, on the other hand, face numerous treatments in addition to overpriced haircuts.
Fair? Not at all. Necessary? Oh yes.
6. Every time you try embracing your curls, you lose
How do people learn the right way to use a hair wand? I have tried and tried and tried again, but no matter what I do, my hair looks worse than when I started.
7. The last time you went into the pool or the ocean was when you were 12
The more treatments you do to your hair, the less you want to jump into any body of water. Chlorine will strip your hair of Keratin and saltwater just doesn't mix well with a Jewfro.
8. Gisele Bündchen gave you false expectations of what sex hair really looks like
Sex hair is supposed to be hot, but on you, it's quite the opposite.
9. Keratin is the only God you believe in
Bow down to all that is holy. The day they developed a protein for hair was the day your life changed for the better. Sure, it costs upwards of $300, but it will be the best money you will ever spend... until three months later when you have to get it redone. Oh well, #WorthIt.
10. Your social life, gym routine and hair-washing schedule never align
Real pain is having to wash your hair after a good hair day; why must life be so hard?
11. Every time you consider going to the gym, you internally debate whether it's worth washing your hair or not
You have been telling yourself today is the day you kickstart your work-out regimen. But your hair currently looks awesome and you can totally get away with not washing it for a solid two days if you skip the gym.
12. If you didn't have to "do" your hair, it would take you 15 minutes to get ready for any occasion
People think you're high maintenance (which I guess you sort of are?) because it takes you "so long" to get ready to go out. Little do these people know that if your hair weren't an issue, you would be good to go in under 20 minutes.
13. You were intrigued by Japanese straightening, but you knew better
Japanese straightening led the Jewfro-taming movement. But you knew better than to play into this very obvious gimmick. Your friends who gave in said you would be jealous, but you had the last laugh when their crimped roots grew out, forever damaging their hair.
14. You'd give up meals to buy hair products
...and never think twice about it.
15. Your straightener is your most prized possession
When going on a trip, you could forget your makeup, your underwear and toothbrush -- as long as you have your straightener, all will be okay. Sadly, it's all you need in life to make you happy.
16. ...Which makes your number one concern:
There really is nothing like the anxiety you feel around 2 in the afternoon during the workday when you realize you may not have turned your straightener off that morning.
You frantically text your roommates who obviously have no idea if you did or not, so you rush home only to find your beloved possession is safely turned off.
17. No boyfriend will ever understand your struggle
...Which just causes him to think you're crazy and extremely high maintenance.