It's Officially 2015, So You Can Stop Being A Hot Mess Now
"Hot Mess": When one's thoughts or appearance are in a state of disarray, but they maintain an undeniable attractiveness or beauty.
The year 2014 was one big hot mess. You should know, you lived it…Well, what you can remember of it, anyway.
And now you're vowing with a new year, there will be a new you, but you clearly have no idea how to do it or else you would have stopped buying tequila shots and North Face jackets years ago.
But this year will be different. This year, you'll stop the shenanigans and show everyone -- most importantly, yourself -- that you have your sh*t together. You won't buy Nutella, eat carbs (or finish both in the first 24 hours), or sleep with another guy sans condom even once.
You'll have one drink (OK, two) when you go out, and you won't dance on the table. You'll only have beer at the company happy hour and always leave before 8, or before you get that desire to hit on your boss.
There will be no more throwing up in plants or telling guys you’re from London (the accent isn’t getting any better). There definitely won't be anymore crying to cab drivers, and you won't leave your phone in another goddamn Uber.
Because this is 2015, this is your year. This year will be about responsibility and accountability and maybe a few smaller bar bills. This is when you become that classy ass woman you watched in "Lipstick Jungle."
This is when you start attending cocktail parties and themed weddings. This is when you look back on those years of hard partying, drunken mistakes and bad men as just a "colorful time" in your past.
Of course, there’s no shame to your past. We’ve all been hot messes. Every woman has been that girl on the bar... even if it was just once. We can all appreciate each other's mistakes.
Some last longer than others, some start at 14 (usually the first crop top and festival signifies it), and others don’t hit it until 25 (also with the arrival of the crop top). There’s no judgment, only compassion.
Every girl has been a hot mess; every girl has been "that girl." It's OK as long as you can learn from your more embarrassing, self-deprecating selves. And as your compatriots, it’s our duty to give each other advice. So if this is the year you’re really going to stop being a hot mess, here are some good places to start.
It's 2015: Stop losing your purse every time you go out… because your dignity was also in there.
It’s 2015: Stop wearing that bra from freshman year of high school, the stains are noticeable now.
It’s 2015: Stop keeping all those angry thoughts inside only to let them spill out when you're completely blackout later.
It’s 2015: Stop eating McDonald's because you're "going to go for a run tomorrow." Newsflash: You’re never going for a run tomorrow.
It’s 2015: Stop avoiding looking “down there” because you’re scared of it. Time to be a woman and check out your hoo-ha.
It’s 2015: Stop saying that you’re "going to go to the dentist." Your tooth isn’t supposed to be loose.
It’s 2015: Either commit to being messy or commit to being clean -- but stop making a mess of your room every time you clean it.
It’s 2015: Stop referring to your best friend's boyfriend as "Hey, you," or "him" simply because you have yet to memorize his name. He's there to stay.
It’s 2015: Stop wearing crop tops. You’re not Taylor Momsen.
It’s 2015: Stop hooking up with that guy you’ve been sleeping with... because that will never make it official.
It’s 2015: Stop taking Adderall as an at-home diet pill and lose weight for real.
It’s 2015: Stop spending $15 on a manicure only to chip it all off the next day. Paint them yourself!
It's 2015: Stop having one-night stands with guys whose names you can't remember when you wake up.
It's 2015: Stop complaining about how much you hate your job and find something you enjoy doing instead.
It's 2015: Stop paying for that gym membership you never use -- use it.
It's 2015: Stop spending your entire weekend in bed watching Netflix and ordering Seamless.
It's 2015: Nip anxiety in the bud by facing what it is you are afraid of doing -- you're better off in the long run.
It’s 2015: You can’t keep overlooking a condom because you "trust he'll bring one.” Haven’t we learned men lie?
It’s 2015: Stop watching a movie because there's nothing else to do... everything is an experience, including the cinematic kind.
It’s 2015: Stop taking everyone's tampons or shoving a ton of toilet paper into your underwear and buy a box!
It’s 2015: Stop sniffing your underwear and wash them!
It’s 2015: Stop ordering whiskey gingers when you clearly become Lindsay Lohan after just one.
It’s 2015: Stop saying you’re going to stop watching “Grey's Anatomy” and just join the online fan group for Christ's sake.
It’s 2015: Stop saying you’re going to do something. Be a woman about it and do it already.
It’s 2015: Stop tagging people in "lazy Sunday" Instagrams and actually commit to doing something.
It's 2015: Stop letting other people's opinions rule your life and learn to value your own!