11 Things We Do To Pretend We're Over A Relationship But We're Really Absolutely Not

by Niki McGloster

We've all been her or know her.

She's the girl who can't enjoy a girls-only brunch date without bringing up her ex's favorite dish on the menu or recalling that one time they dined at this exact spot for date night.

Hopelessly, she's masquerading as a happy single girl when, in fact, her heart is as shattered as Iggy Azalea's career.

Instead of finding resourceful ways to get over her devastating breakup, her emotions are spewing out from her every action.

Maintaining a strict work-home-gym routine for a while is a much better formula for regaining sanity post-breakup, no matter how anti-social it seems to a party-loving squad.

Sure, there's no concrete timeline on when you should be over it, but there are telling signs that reveal just how stuck you still are on your ex.

If this sounds like you, here are 11 telling signs you're only pretending to be over your relationship, but you're really, definitely, absolutely not.

1. You won't throw out the movie tickets from your first date.

Once it's over, everything must go, but you can’t bear to part with mementos that remind you of happier times, even though those tiny trinkets are cluttering your (mental) space.

Hanging onto his cufflinks doesn't make you a cat accumulating pack rat, but you're unwillingness to let go of past memories could mean you secretly want that old thing back.

Good news? This does not apply to practical gifts and jewelry. Unless your ex asks for it back, it's yours.

2. You cyberstalk all his social media pages.

Reading his Twitter feed like the New York Times was (somewhat) acceptable during your affair. Now? Keeping tabs on his every move hinders you from living your own life.

3. You blocked him.

Unless he has a penchant for harassment, let him have a front row seat to your post-relationship flourish.

When you're unbothered by an ex, it's not even worth a reaction. No e-restraint needed.

4. You can't stop talking about him. Every. Single. Day.

Ask yourself: Is your ex a topic of 99 percent of your conversations? If the answer is yes, like Usher, you still got it bad.

5. You fell in love with the rebound guy.

An age-old dating proverb suggests getting under a new guy to get over an ex. Nowhere does it say scrap "just having fun" for serious #relationshipgoals. (See: Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill.)

6. Your new dates have to suffer through an "Are you like my Ex?" test.

If the first thing you do when meeting someone new is stack him up against your ex, it's time to pack up your emotional luggage and head home.

7. You explain how every corner of the city reminds you of him.

Before you say it out loud, think: Does this sound like I'm still hooked on him?

8. You’re still sleeping with him.

Do we even have to explain?

9. You don't hesitate to overshare online.

Everyone knows you two have broken up!

Every status is a declaration of your newly-minted Karrueche status! You're absolutely ready to date again!

Yeah, okay. You’re still hurt, girl. Log off.

10. You're self-medicating.

Clocking in more happy hours at a dive bar with homies isn't drastic. But come on, you've upped your whiskey intake from two shots to four per hour.

It's possible you're numbing a broken heart, not relaxing after a hard day's work.

11. You still post pictures of him.

Instead of that adorable baby pic from your third birthday party where you're drenched in cake icing, your #TBT post is a recent photo from your couples' trip to Greece.


It's not easy moving forward, we know. But if you can't eat, pray, love your way to healing, 'fess up. Don't spin out of control while trying to save face.