Get Down With Your Bad Self: What Your Favorite Sex Toy Says About You
Your relationship with your favorite sex toy is akin to that of your BFF: They're always there when you need them and know exactly what to do to cheer you up.
Just like the friends you chill with, your MVP sex toy says an awful lot about you. Whether you’re more of a Rabbit vibe kinda gal or a We-Vibe junkie, we know what kind of buzz you need in the bedroom.
A Rabbit fan
You’re a woman of options. You get stressed out when you go to Starbucks right before closing and they only have one kind of cookie left and you haven’t eaten all day so you’re forced to go with that solo (possibly dry) chocolate chip. You buy variety packs of tampons instead of the regular pack, trail mix instead of canned nuts and five different beer options for a barbecue because one is just so limiting. You like having multiple ways to be turned on, too — and the fact that your vibe is named after a fuzzy little bunny leaves you tickled pink.
The loyal bullet
You know exactly what you want and you go after it. Once you have a goal in mind, it’s hard to steer you off-track. Don’t feel like there is only one path to greatness, sweet thing — sometimes, coloring outside the lines opens you up to a whole new world of fun.
You’re the type of girl that knows what she deserves -- whether it’s a trip to Aruba, a boyfriend that will actually buy you tampons, or simply a gigantic, glorious bowl of mac and cheese. You’ve been burned in the past by the less-than-worthy, so you know it’s time to pull out the big guns: sign up for Match.com, book that one-way ticket or indulge in a pair of high heels made out of leather and not whatever polyurethane is.
Your vibrator is a reflection of your ritzy lifestyle. Own it.
Share with a partner
You’re the mediator. You avoid conflict by always offering to do the thing no one wants to do like sitting in the back row on the roller coaster, eating the one burnt cookie and breaking up with a boyfriend for someone else. Because life is just way easier when you’re more agreeable.
Couple's vibrators mean you're willing to give control to your partner, and that's not a bad thing.
Rules ain’t no thang to you because you make your own. If someone tells you to swipe left, you swipe right. If you’re told to eat a salad, you eat a goddamn cheeseburger with fries because you do you, and you do it so well. F*ck the patriarchy and those with actual dicks — you can have your own removable one. Oh, and no need to worry about the cleanup after.
You’re the practical one of your group. Going out with your girl squad? You’re the one that stays sober enough to call an Uber back (and then yell at the driver when he takes the long way). You always keep your hemlines a little longer, your cleavage a bit more covered and your heels a little less teeter-tottery. Stop playing it safe, child, and get yourself a big vibrating cock ring. Or an actual breathing man. Or a RealDoll. Whichever.
You’re actually fourteen years old and just got home from Spencer’s at your local mall. Why are you reading this? Do your homework!
You give approximately zero f*cks about anything and know that if it gets you off, there’s zero reason to be apologetic for it. You find joy in small things (like someone spelling your name right at Starbucks), and if that’s not the key to happiness, then we’re done here.
Vibrating duckie/octopus/other animal
You like shiny, sparkly things. You’re the kind of person that can’t walk by someone walking their dog without going “Ooh, look at the puppy!” Your role model in life is Elle Woods, and you probably have Marilyn Monroe quotes tattooed on the inside of your arm.
You hop on trends approximately 12 years too late. That’s not exactly a bad thing, until you’re still wearing overalls and Birkenstocks and it’s 2015 and no one even owns those anymore.
No matter how much you want Christian Grey/James Dornan to be f*cking you right now, they’re not and all you’re left with are some cheap satin blindfold and a newfound gag reflex.
If you’ve been using them for years before the whole Grey phenomenon, good for you, and you must hate all the hype. You’re cool. F*ck the haters.