Just Because I Say 'F*ck' Doesn't Mean I'm Not A F*cking Lady

by Zara Barrie

“F*ck” is a powerful word. And like anything that attains a semblance of power, a woman utilizing it can sometimes threaten the good ol’ boys in charge.

I love the feeling that penetrates throughout the entirety of my being when I twist my lips around the word “F*CK.”

It just feels f*cking good. It gets the f*cking point across.

Because the word “f*ck” simply doesn’t hold back. It’s honest. It’s real as f*ck.

Society seems to think because my girlfriends and I like to pepper our vocabularies with this “lewd” little word, we must surely be raging trollops. Cheap tramps. Wild street cats. Easy lays who don’t care to be wined and dined.

This couldn't be further from the truth: The truth is you can say f*ck and be a f*cking lady, f*ck you very much.

So what exactly do I mean when I deem a girl a lady? After all, “Lady” is a subjective term. It’s almost as emotionally loaded as the word “f*ck.”

Lady and f*ck both demand a reaction (which is why they’re so directly connected).

A lady is an empowered woman who has nothing but the utmost respect for herself.

A lady knows her incredible value in the universe and worships her body for the strong and unique temple it is.

A lady is hyperaware of her epic worth in the world. A lady isn’t afraid of the sound of her own voice, and most importantly, a lady knows how to express herself.

And if she chooses to use a word like “f*ck” as a means of authentic self-expression, that doesn’t take away her lady status. On the contrary, it reaffirms it.

My mother is a strong-willed, independent lady. She hates it when I say "f*ck."

“It’s just not classy, Zara,” she’ll lecture to me when the word slips out of my mouth, her hazel eyes burning with the fire of a mother's disapproval.

My mother, being the bonafide Lady Queen she is, taught me to always challenge the system, and sometimes it backfires.

Because by saying "f*ck," I'm challenging the system. I'm rejecting the tired notion that one can't be a supreme, high-fluting lady, all the while saying F*CK as much as her sophisticated, ladylike heart so desires.

And my girlfriends and I ooze nothing but sheer and utter class as we freely and fearlessly use words that invoke strong sets of feelings.

Because class is all about being honest and comfortable with all that you are. It’s the classless who throw heaps of hard work into being something they're not.

So it’s time to boldly proclaim to the population, the general masses and the world at large that just because we like to say the word f*ck doesn’t mean we’re not ladies:

Because I refuse to choose between being a lady and saying "f*ck."

Us women are far too multifaceted to be put into the confines of a box.

Seemingly overnight, we go from being free-spirited, ambitious little girls to being told we have to make a choice (an oppressive one at that): We can either be deemed a “lady” or a “tramp.”

Ladies go on lavish dinner dates. Ladies are sophisticated and well-dressed. Ladies are glamorous and have sky-high expectations for the future.

Tramps have casual sex. Tramps don’t need to be wined and dined. Tramps are teeming with only the desire for sex. Tramps can use words like “f*ck” as much as they please because that's what tramps do.

The whole system is dated and built on a giant pile of bullsh*t. We can be ladies who are worthy of being taken on beautiful dates, spoken to with respect, full of sizable expectations and say “f*ck” if we feel like it.

To resort to putting myself into a box in order to make more sense to society is simply against a lady's moral code. After all, a real lady doesn’t compromise. A real lady is true to her convictions.

Just because I’m not a prude doesn’t mean I don’t have boundaries.

Sometimes I get into very odd situations when it comes to the wild and whacky world of dating. Sometimes I give people the wrong idea.

Sometimes a person who has sparked my romantic interest seems to think that because I choose to express myself freely, that because I don’t subscribe to the whole “women should hold back” garble, I surely don’t have definitive sexual boundaries.

In simple terms: Just because I say “f*ck” doesn’t mean I’m down to f*ck.

I say f*ck because I have strong feelings.

If you don’t like salty language, that’s fine. It’s your prerogative, however, no one can dispute the fact that “f*ck” is a word that’s madly rich with feeling. It’s teeming with irrepressible emotion.

I own the fact that I’m a lady. And ladies, my friends, all ladies, are the greatest feelers of the world. We aren’t apathetic drones. On the contrary, we’re wildly emotional creatures.

Think of all the times you’ve yelled “f*ck” out into the universe:

They were moments of either acute pain or unabashed joy, right? It was during the unforgettable times when you were either shackled in utter terror or overcome with incredible disbelief.

Ladies who say “f*ck” regularly are swimming in the waters of emotional extremes all of the time, so treat us delicately. Bestow nothing but respect and good intentions on to us -- because we feel every f*cking thing.

Just because I keep it real doesn’t mean you don't have to try.

Us ladies who toss around the term “f*ck” frequently are united in how down-to-earth we are. We keep it real. Because there is no word more real than the word “f*ck.”

“F*ck” is raw. It’s honest and stripped down. It’s not hiding behind a false pretense; it is what it f*cking is.

We are the ladies who can seamlessly "hang" with your friends. You don’t have to censor yourself around us. And while that’s all cool -- it doesn’t mean we don’t want to be impressed.

You still need to make an effort when you're dating us. Because we say "f*ck" doesn’t mean we aren’t hungry for what all girls are starving for -- occasional flowers, thoughtful moments, memorable little notes hidden in secret spots, imaginative dates, stimulating conversation… we want it all.

Our open-mindedness and self-expressiveness doesn’t stop us from wanting what all ladies want: to be valued, loved and respected for who we f*cking are.

A lady isn’t defined by her words; she’s defined by her actions.

The word “f*ck” might attain the ability to invoke an incredible spectrum of feelings within people, but at the end of the day, it’s just a word. And a lady isn’t defined by her words.

A lady is defined by her actions. And us ladies are lady-f*cking-like in our actions: A lady won’t ever lie to you. A lady is true to her word. A lady is there for you in a time of crisis. A lady will pick you up from the airport. A lady respects all kinds of people -- it’s her great moral compass that defines her.

A lady lives by her own definitions of "lady"

A lady is no damsel in distress. A lady is a fierce, strong woman. Most importantly, a lady doesn’t let you define what a lady is.

A lady has the most powerful freedom of all -- freedom of the mind. She doesn’t need you to view her as a lady in order for her to feel like one.

A lady knows she's a f*cking lady, and at the end of the day, that's all that f*cking matters.