The 5 Biggest Reasons We'll Never Find True Love On Dating Apps
The moment I saw him, I knew I had to swipe right.
He worked in corporate law, had slicked back hair and knew how to rock the sh*t out of a button down.
He messaged me a few days later. He was funny, smart and articulate. He knew the difference between “you’re” and “your.”
I was enamored, but careful not to get too close.
I called him “dude” and “bro," familial terms I use with any man I want to keep at arm’s length.
We met. We drank. We kissed. Sparks.
We met again. We kissed again. Fireworks.
That night, he told me he wanted to make things exclusive. I asked him what he meant. He said he wanted to cancel all his future dates and focus only on me.
He didn’t want to talk to anyone else. Neither did I.
In the following few days, I let go of every romantic relationship I had. I cut off communication with the guys I was talking to on OkCupid, Tinder and Bumble. I deleted numbers. I uninstalled apps.
I was convinced he was worth it.
That evening, I excitedly told him I'd stopped talking to everyone else and deleted my apps. I wanted a clean slate.
“Wait, hold up. I didn’t say we should be exclusive," he said.
I was convinced I'd misheard him.
“I mean, I still want to talk to other people. Like, I still have conversations with other girls," he continued.
I told him how a few days ago, he'd said the exact opposite. He'd said he wanted to stop talking to other girls and used the word “exclusive.” There was no way he could change his mind so quickly.
He looked at me as if I'd grown an extra head.
“I mean, I still have all these apps. I’m not letting that go," he further explained.
There was nothing left to say. I grabbed my jacket and walked out.
I hate to admit it, but he had a point.
Here’s the thing with online dating: It’s basically Netflix.
You will spend ages scrolling through options and, by the time you decide to commit, you'll already have lost interest and moved on to the next best thing.
It’s not your fault. Our generation is wired to think there’s always someone better out there.
No matter how cute, smart or funny we find someone, we have to keep moving along just in case the next person is smarter, funnier or cuter.
We treat online dating like an all-you-can-eat buffet.
We like to sample a little bit of everyone because, well, we can. Who actually goes to a buffet to load up on a shit-ton of the same dish?
The same extends to dating. Why settle for some person you kind of like if you believe there is someone more your taste out there?
All that choice doesn’t translate to freedom.
We think it's freeing to be bombarded with endless options. In truth, opportunity enslaves us.
We always think there’s someone else out there, so we keep looking. All that choice doesn’t teach us how to become capable of settling down.
We’re terrified of being alone, so we keep swiping.
It’s nothing personal. No matter how great the conversation we're having with someone is, we’ll still keep swiping.
Why? Because we’re afraid of being ghosted and have learned not to put all our eggs in the same basket.
After all, if we expect the worst from everyone, we won’t be disappointed. Right?
We’re always looking for perfection.
The image we portray online is often entirely different from who we truly are. No one’s profile will mention how he or she has been unemployed for months, is chronically afraid of commitment or has major family drama.
As a result, we expect nothing short of perfection from every guy or girl we swipe on.
The moment we spot a flaw? On to the next one.
Online dating takes the excitement out of meeting someone.
Swiping right and matching isn’t the same as being approached at a bar.
We treat matches as a numbers game. It doesn’t take balls to swipe right, but it takes a hell of a lot to approach someone in person.
We might be endlessly bombarded with choice, but I’d still like to believe when I meet someone — whether we both swiped right or not — it’ll be reason enough to delete every app I’m on.
Except Tinder, because that sh*t is hilarious.