Is it weird that whenever I sleep with someone new, I have a dream that night that he's trying to murder me? Weird, right?
Like, I know he isn't really going to murder me. He's just going to sleep with me for eight months and then murder my soul.
I know it’s hard for me to share a bed with someone. Not only do I have these silly nightmares, but I’m a 6'0" woman who sleeps on a diagonal. I love sleeping alone, and I'm only willing to share a bed with someone I really care about.
Growing up, no one ever warned me about all the different kinds of people I would someday have in my bed:
He looked like he was going to be good in bed. He was so hot and had great game, and you have probably been wanting to have sex with him for a while. I guess that some people just don't smash well.
I Blacked Out, Where Am I?
You woke up, and there is a person in your bed. Get him out quick and wash your sheets. Also, you should probably get tested.
This person doesn’t understand that just because you had sex, it doesn’t mean you’re dating. He will probably try and trick you into a relationship
The Best Friend
I’m almost 27 years old, and I still have sleepovers with my best friends. There’s something very nostalgic about it.
It’s very comfortable, you feel safe, but you give each other the space you need. Whenever my friends need a place to crash, my bed is always open. (Well, until I get married. Then all the friendovers will die.)
The Best Friend You’re in Love With
I would have to say this one is the worst one. You’re in the same bed, not touching, but there is so much energy being exchanged. Your body is experiencing so much confusion because you don’t want to risk the friendship.
The Night You Were Desperate
I would like to think we have all done charity work at some point. And I don’t mean working in a soup kitchen.
I mean the kind of charity work when you hook up with someone you don’t really care for, but you know he is head over heels for you. Yes, this would be that kind of charity work. You probably try to not make eye contact with him when you see him
The Person You Have Been Sleeping with for Four Months
You know what he smells like and about that weird mole he has, and you’re so comfortable you can try anything in bed with him. But, you still can’t seem to ask him on a date.
Is this weird? I don’t know if it’s weird.
But, I have totally shared a bed with my siblings before. If it wasn't a family vacation, then it was just crashing at their places. (And you know what? It was a little weird.)
The Random Booty Call
Need to get it in? Got some people in your phone? Go for it.
You never know what a booty call may turn into. I have plenty of friends who have married their booty calls.
We were all someone’s virgin once. Also, it’s probably going to suck and be over real fast. So, be nice.
The One You Hook Up With Who Then Becomes Your Friend
You two had fun, but not enough fun to do it again. You think he's cool, and you forge a new friendship.
The Person You Think You’re in Love With
The sex is great until you sleep with someone you really care about.
The Overly Emotional Roommate
Your roommate is sad again, and she may need to sleep in your bed with you. You should probably find a different roommate.
The Person Whose Name You Don’t Know
I have never had this person in my bed, but I’m sure most people have or will at some point in their lives. This was probably a thing back in your college days. A night of raging can lead to a stranger in your bed, and maybe it's best you don’t know his name.
Sometimes you fall in love, move in with said love, break up with him and then still have to share a bed with him. Other times, you never lived together, but you still love sleeping together. This is also very unhealthy.
The One Who Will F*ck All Your Friends
This person is going to bring your friendships closer and also ruin them. This person will one day become a running joke between you and all your friends.
Let's be honest: Why else did they invent Tinder?
This is the best person to sleep with. He will always be there if you need him, and if you kick him out, he wont get mad.
Your heart is broken, and you need to get back into the game. This lay will probably suck.
Ben & Jerry
Eh, I mean, who needs sex, right? Ben & Jerry will always be there for you. They come in many different flavors to suit your needs.
The Person You are Truly in Love With
Nothing will feel more amazing than this. You are willing to share your bed with this person forever. You can’t sleep when he isn't in your bed.