An Open Letter To All The Nice Guys Out There: Don't Stop Trying
Dear Mr. Nice Guy,
Contrary to popular belief that you might finish last in this world, you absolutely come first for me. And not just for me, for a lot of other girls, too.
We want you, Mr. Nice Guy. We want the honorable man who is motivated by the kindness of his heart, not by what he can wager in return. The guy who doesn’t expect a reward for being a good person. Who especially doesn’t see himself as a woman’s means to an end.
So stop reading here if you think being the nice guy is as surface-level as paying for dinner or walking her home or telling her she looks beautiful. These gestures don’t automatically make you kind, especially if they’re backed by ulterior motives. You can pay for the meal, but still be cruel company. You can ensure she makes it home safely and simultaneously make her feel uncomfortable. It’s less about your actions and more about the quality of your intentions.
Most guys who are convinced they are nice, aren’t. Girls can smell the difference. Truly nice guys have honest, pure objectives. They won’t be angry if you don’t sleep with them afterwards or put that kind of pressure on you in the first place. They want to be in your company simply because they enjoy being in your presence. And yes, that’s enough for us, too.
Because being nice doesn’t mean you are weaker. And this is where the confusion happens. You can be masculine, tough and assertive while at the same time good-hearted and well-intentioned. It’s kind of like having a rough or intimidating exterior, but being a total sweetheart on the inside.
That’s the kind of mystery and excitement we women are attracted to -- not this notion of a bad boy who brings drama and pain. We don’t want the unavailable bad boy who has burned us countless times. We’re smart girls and we know better than that. We know the good ones when we spot them.
And to that point, there’s a difference between nice guys who get taken advantage of and nice guys who take advantage. One showers a woman with superficial displays of affection like free food and drinks, while the other showers a woman with passion and curiosity. Guess which guy sticks around?
It’s not that we don’t want you, Mr. Nice Guy. It’s that it’s really hard to find you. So, in the meantime, we date a bunch of not-as-nice-guys in hopes that maybe we’ll find you when we least expect it. We’re holding out for you though, so don’t give up on us Nice Girls because you think being an assh*le is better.
After all this waiting around and failed relationships, we want the good guys who are uncomplicated and sweet. The girls who say they do but don’t or who can’t appreciate these men aren’t good girls, either.
These are the girls who discourage Mr. Nice Guys like yourself from pursuing more women. These girls aren’t ready for a relationship like the one we have been preparing all these years for.
Nice guys are the ones who don’t have to question their actions. Who are smart enough to know that when it didn’t work out with an ex that it wasn’t because they were too nice. Both good and bad people experience terrible things and failed relationships, which is independent of their character. One has no bearing on the other.
We recognize that it’s harder to play the kind, loving man than it is to play the hardened bad boy. It’s harder to live every day with integrity and morality than it is to cut corners and cheat. But that sense of self and respect is way sexier than any liar or cheater. We appreciate you.
So, Mr. Nice Guy, what’s it going to be? Are you going to give up being nice and toughen yourself from love, as you’re so tempted to do? If you want to prove you’re not as weak as you may think you come across, you’ll keep putting yourself out there for us. Because we nice girls haven’t given up on you.
I know one day we’ll cross paths. I know it might not be head-over-heels or drama or fireworks. I know it will be heart-warming and genuine.
And to me, that sounds nice.
- Laura
