No More Filler Guys: Why You Should Wait For The One You Deserve

by Dowling Payne

Sometimes that last person to whom we want to listen is our mother. How is she always right? Why does she always know what we don’t want to hear but absolutely need to?

Some of the best advice my mom has ever given me is in regard to what she calls “man space.” This is the little corner of your brain (or massive corner) that whichever males are in your life at the time fill.

This person or persons is not your boyfriend, and probably has no intention to ever being that.

Mom would always say, “Clear your man space!” or “Does he really deserve your man space?” While I was always annoyed at the time when she said these things, looking back, she was so right.

Why is it that we must always have someone to fill that spot? Our generation is so accustomed to instant gratification, and we do a hell of a lot of settling just so we don’t have to be alone.

Well, the space in our minds should be a five-star hotel, in which no one can live until they deserve it.

In the past, I know I have wasted so much brainpower on boys who never even deserved a second glance. I did this simply because I didn’t want to be alone.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s nice to have someone to text at midnight or drunk call when you don’t want to walk home alone.

But, why? This person has no intention of staying until morning, let alone learning your name and favorite kind of ice cream.

Let’s face it: As females, it’s in our DNA to care — that’s just what we do. We are creatures of emotion and this is usually what gets us into trouble. We care too much about someone who doesn’t feel the same way about us.

We wrap our heads around the thought that maybe, this man could turn into more. Or, maybe, he will change tomorrow. Or, maybe, after one more night, he will start to care more.

These things most likely won't happen. “Man space” should never be filled until it is with someone who truly deserves to be there.

It’s hard to figure out how to be on your own without any sort of guy to validate you or give you attention. But, why do we even want attention from these people?

Why not spend your time with your girls and not worry about whether someone will call you or maybe like your Instagram picture. It’s not worth it.

Males treat females how they do because females enable them to do so. It’s time to mix that up; don’t let anyone in until he or she deserves to be there.

Chances are, once you find the right guy, you will be thankful that you don’t have suitcases full of man baggage to carry along with you.

There’s even a chance that you are missing out on the right one because your brain is too focused on the wrong ones. It is now time to do some mental cleaning and decide who’s really meant to be in your brain.

I look back and think about all the times my friends and I were focused on someone who was not worth it. That time could have been such better spent.

Instead of wallowing in the uncertainty of why he doesn't like you or whom he may be with, we could do ourselves a favor by not getting involved in the first place.

Instead of self-doubt, let’s make the change to self-respect. Get it into your head that you are strong, smart and wonderful. The right person will see that and he will be way more interested in filling more than just your “man space.”