6 Reasons Why You Should Move On From The 'Why Her?' Syndrome
Every female has lived or experienced a moment in her life when she felt like everything that could possibly go wrong was going wrong and that her life was at a standstill.
At this precise moment, it feels like everyone you know is beginning to move forward in their own lives and display that joy on every social network available.
When you've hit the bottom, you essentially fall into the “why her?” syndrome (Why did she get that new job? Why is her life so perfect? Why does she have the perfect boyfriend? Why did she get married?).
You ask yourself these questions — and sometimes, other people, too — and end your questioning with a series of excuses as to why this other woman does not deserve what she has and why you would be more worthy.
While thinking about it and discussing it, it may feel like this is the truth and you’re right about everything you are thinking, but unfortunately, this is not the case. The following six steps will help you to explain why it is important to get over the “why her?” syndrome and how you can become the best possible version of you:
1. You can never be too sure about the hard work someone else has done in secret.
The majority of the time, we only see what we like to see, which doesn’t usually include the hard work or effort people put into their lives.
We tend to only see the results and judge a person accordingly, despite the fact that we’re probably unaware of the hours, months and years, in addition to the sweat and tears that went into getting the results.
It is best to not assume, as difficult as that may be. Instead, ask questions so you can have a better understanding of what went into gaining an end result.
Or, don’t focus on someone else’s results at all. Focus on yourself, your life and your dreams, and figure out how you can make things happen for you.
2. Just because something is posted on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram doesn’t make it true or worthy.
We see this a million times and a million different ways on the daily: As great as people may make their lives seem on social networks, it is usually not as it looks.
What many of us choose not to understand is that social networks allow all of us a moment to be whom we want to be or whom we want others to see us as.
Though you may see hundreds of albums from a coworker who is traveling endlessly to the most luxurious of locations, there is no real way for you to know how hard she may be working to make those vacations happen, or alternatively, who might be paying for her to be able to take them.
The entire point of social media is to make it look or seem like whatever it is you’re doing is better than what everyone else is doing. So much as a picture or a video can make you feel like crap for a few minutes and you have to decide to either not look or make such happiness happen for yourself.
3. Take a moment to assess your own life and realize you have more than you think… and are on the way to claiming even better.
Often, when I am feeling down about a certain situation, my friends like to remind me of all of the things I do have and where I am headed.
It is normal to feel sad about a troubling or lacking situation, but at the same time, you should be able to appreciate what you do have and acknowledge the areas where you can grow or enhance your situation.
Know that there are always other people who have much less than you have and those who want what you do have. There is value in the things you have in life and you must appreciate that value in order to prepare for what might come next.
4. Recognize that if you do not like your situation, only YOU can change it. So, find a way and make that happen.
You are the master of your own destiny, so take control of your own life. Give yourself a reason to be proud and smile.
It might feel validating to wallow in your own pity and seek the attention and sympathy from those around you, but eventually, that act will get tired and you will have to decide to move forward, change something or waste your life.
There is nothing in the world that can hold you back from what it is your heart desires. Think of it this way: Even if you are told “no” a million times, if you keep trying, you will eventually get “yes.”
But, if you never try or give up after the first or second “no,” how can you expect to feel worthy of receiving that thing you so badly want? Nothing great comes freely and things that come freely won’t fill you with gratitude and worthiness.
5. Don’t allow yourself to become jealous of another human being — no person is greater than any other person. See the greatness in yourself.
Every person lives with the same intent of trying to maintain or gain something in his or her life that will bring joy and peace of mind.
Regardless of what you feel you are lacking and what others may have, we are all human, and given that understanding alone, there is no way that any human could be better than another human.
But, jealousy makes us think differently. It is like a clone using your body while you watch, feeling defeated. If you can recognize this, you’ll know that there is no purpose in it. Jealousy is useless — it produces nothing, it keeps you stagnant and kills the seeds of greatness that are growing within you.
We all live and die; we all begin and end our lives similarly. If you think of it this way, it will be easier for you to look past the reasons why you may feel others are superior to you.
All people will not achieve things the same way and it may be more difficult for some than others, but still, every person is capable of achieving personal dreams.
People create their own opportunities and lucky situations. Who you are, your social economic status and all other characteristics do not control your potential greatness; only your mind and actions will determine your future.
6. Know that holding onto the “why her?” syndrome will only leave you feeling depressed, alone and with nothing you want.
If you spend all of your time thinking and talking about another person, what another person has and whether or not you think another person deserves what he or she has, other people will, in effect, enslave you.
They will control your life and you will end up depressed, with nothing.
If you want happiness, joy and peace, you need to focus on your own dreams. Envision them, see them, indulge in them and when you do, you will forget about everything else and focus on what matters: what you want.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It