Like most American males, I've seen my fair share of porn.
Now let's not get it twisted; I'm not addicted and I certainly don't watch much of it these days. OK, now that I'm done being defensive, let's move on shall we?
I've also never been one to be star-struck, but then again I've never met many stars. I have, however, been porn star-struck. Is that porn star struck a term? If it isn't, it should be.
For instance, I've had a crush on Jayden Jaymes ever since I saw her on MTV's "True Life" years ago. She recently did a hilarious video for Elite Daily, which is probably as close as I'll ever get to meeting her. This is probably for the best, due to the fact that I would be transformed into a giggling mess if I was ever in her presence. About five years ago, I was struck, and porn became a little too real.
My teenage cousin was staying over my mother's house. He was running around the house with his brother and stubbed his toe. It was bleeding, it was nasty, it was a mess.
My mom decided we had to take him to the emergency room, so off we went. Luckily for us, my teenage cousin was still considered a child, so we were able to go to the children's section of the ER, which makes it a lot faster. Going to a New York City ER is about a five-hour wait, minimum.
The kid needed an x-ray, so we went to the radiology section. My mother and I sat and waited while my cousin got x-rayed. After a few moments, we were joined by a young woman and her two kids. She too was waiting for her child to get x-rayed.
With no TV in the waiting area, we struck up a conversation with a young woman. Typical pleasantries and platitudes were exchanged, such as, “What a night, right?” and, “Wouldn't you rather be in bed now?” The conversation started light, but eventually got into more serious issues (we were in the emergency room, after all).
The woman started talking about how she had been to that particular hospital before, where she had a procedure done. She would go on to explain the doctors, unfortunately, left her with a scar. She then proceeded to open the front of her pants and show us the scar. The Stranger basically exposed her entire vulva.
At that moment, I thought to myself, “hmm how forward of her.” The woman then asked my mother if I was her husband. (She probably should have asked that before exposing herself to me.)
Awkward, I know, but my mom looks young ... and apparently I don't. It's something I've become accustomed to. My mother chuckled and said, “no he's my son.”
The woman, realizing the awkwardness her question, immediately apologized. We reassured her there was no problem. Of course, in any conversation of note, there comes a point where things take a turn. This turn can be for better or for worse.
The woman then said, “If that was your husband, I was about to say you were very lucky woman.”
If any of you have read my previous articles (I know the answer is most likely no; I don't like to get above myself), these kinds of compliments don't usually come my way.
My ears perked up like a dog who heard the rumblings of a food wrapper.
In my head, I'm saying, “really,” as I lick my lips like I'm LL Cool J. After I was done being impressed with myself, I started to have that “I think I know this person from somewhere” feeling. I definitely knew this woman from somewhere.
I was sure of it, but I couldn't figure it out. I tried to get my mind on something else, but it wasn't happening. I had to figure this out. As I thought about it more and more, the light bulb perched above my head got brighter and brighter. I had a suspicion, but I wasn't going to fully acknowledge it until I had irrefutable evidence. Finally, the smoking gun had been found: “She does porn,” I inaudibly mouthed to myself.
The woman was an amateur porn star. Now where did I go to find such information? My very own browser history! What can I say? I was a young man with urges … but enough about me and my perceived perversions.
The woman I was just speaking to -- the woman who said a woman would be lucky to have me -- was an amateur porn star. I couldn't believe it. I would look at the site, then back at her, look at the site, then back at her.
I couldn't believe it. It was just as amazed as when I met Mets pitcher, Tom Glavine, when I was 15. The only difference was that encounter was not of sexual nature; I loved Tom Glavine, but it was strictly platonic. I was shocked and excited at the same time, but then something happened.
Her kids were demanding her attention, as kids do with their parents. “Mommy, Mommy,” they said. Then it hit me: This is someone's mother. The opponents of pornography always say, “that someone's daughter,” and that's always true, but sometimes it's someone's mother.
I fancy myself a progressive, but I do have to admit, this realization made me feel a bit dirty. I started thinking about my own feelings on pornography. I'm not one to speak aloud of salacious topics, but internally I'm not a prude. I think pornography can be a beautiful expression of sexuality. It can mirror the joys of life. There're few things better than getting down and dirty with someone; it's the bee's knees, what can I say?
But, as with most things in life, too much of anything can be a bad thing.
Like I said earlier, I've never been addicted to porn, but I've watched my fair share. My porn watching schedule came in spurts (no pun intended). I would watch for a week, then I would take a few weeks off.
Then I began to notice something. During my porn week, I would become kind of a horn dog. It's hard to admit, but it's the truth. Everything was sexual to me; women who I had no sexual attraction to suddenly became sexually attractive to me.
As the old saying goes, “He would chase a broomstick with a skirt.” That statement started to apply to me, and I didn't like it. Everyone has primal sexual urges, and that's not a bad thing. But when you consistently look at people as sexual objects first and people second, you can tend to dehumanize them.
That's exactly what I did to the woman in the emergency room. In my first (virtual) encounter with her, she was just a sexual object. A few weeks later, I would see the woman, the mother: the person.
For some people, too much alcohol, sweets or spicy foods are tough on their systems. These things are not inherently bad, but too much of anything can cause problems. It's up to each individual person to responsibly decide when enough is enough.
For me, as far as porn goes, a little dab'll do ya. By the way, I hope Elite Daily continues to work with the stunning Jayden Jaymes. She is googly-eyes dreamy.
