Real Housewives of New Jersey star, Melissa Gorga, has written a new book called "Love Italian Style" about how to keep your marriage as drama-filled happy and hot as the one she has with her chode husband, Joe Gorga. The secret to her nine-year betroth can best be described by Gorga herself, "In our marriage, Joe is always the man, doing masculine things. I'm the woman, and I do the female things, including housework."
Joe echoes this sexist sentiment:
This one comes from a section titled, "You Can Do Just About Anything For Ten Minutes."
This sounds like Joe Gorga is training a blow-up sex doll.
But those are not actually the worst lines in the book. Joe Gorga says,
There's plenty other appalling gems that depict the sexist idiot that is Joe Gorga. Seriously, we're going to open the book, close our eyes and point our finger to a spot...okay...there!
(Ugh, I wish I could spend all day in CVS. I am obsessed with beauty products. But, I digress...) We're glad to read that Melissa graduated from Joe Gorga's Meatballs University and learned how to be home when he demanded it.
Melissa also goes on to explain that going out with your prostituting single friends isn't good for your marriage. Lol. Is this why all our coupled friends don't go out with us anymore? All this time we thought it was our drinking habits...
This one is pretty fun and sad at the same time. Wow! Melissa could actually be that deep? Just kidding:
This one on how she'll raise her two sons and one daughter makes us uncomfortable:
Huh? (Places palm on forehead.) Did she run out of things to write about? Well, at least she owns up to it? Why are we even trying to make sense of this...
This last one is simply because the thought of Melissa taking a poop in secrecy just tickles us! She'll never get to experience a great sh*t....(But, don't worry. she will definitely be having plenty of forced sex.)
All in all, according to Melissa, the real key to a successful marriage is to be a complete submissive to your husband. We can't give her credit for original ideas (misogyny has been around forever), but at least we can give her points for actually writing her own book!