A Lesbian's Take On Dating Men

by Liz Rowley

I’ve been working on a major studio lot for over three weeks. As a production coordinator, I have to figure out the logistics for many things, one of which happens to be figuring out where a missing golf cart on our job went so that we won't be charged. In doing this, I became "friends" with the transportation manager of carts. His name is Henry.

Do you know that show "Taste"? Well, a PA was driving our cart from that show and I made him get off it because it wasn’t his. By the way, this is not the point of the story, but still funny, my PA is from Homeboy Industries, if you don’t know about them you probably should. (Besides making really good chips and salsa, they actually put ex cons to work.)

Anyways, I chased down this guy with a tatted up ex cholo from the hood and we made him get off our stolen cart. The event played out like an episode straight out of golf cart COPS. In dealing with all of this, Henry started texting me about the cart, and yesterday asked me out for drinks. This is forever a problem for me. I am a very feminine girl, and because of this, guys hit me on every day.

Sure, this is a compliment and I am happy for the attention. What girl doesn’t like the attention? But I am also a really nice person who sometimes doesn’t know how to tell another person that I’m gay. I’ve gone on two dates in the past with guys because of this, and then midway through dinner, I confess that the penis and I are just not good friends. The conversation either goes down one of two ways.

First, he thinks that the date is so horrible that I have to make up a story about being gay, or second, he thinks he still has a chance because I’m on the date with him, and why would I be there if I wasn’t really into him? In reality, I’m only on the date because I don’t always know how to turn down a nice guy.

Believe me when I say that I have tried to date men. I’ve had sex with two guys, and after every bad break up with a girl, don't all lesbians wish that we could swear off women? That is until the next heartbreaker comes along! Yeah, so I really need to get out of this habit because I apparently have a date with Henry on Wednesday. My roommate said I could pass him on to her, so I think I might try to do that. Henry can show up at my house and then instead of me coming out to meet him, it will be my hot, straight roommate!

Look, I think all lesbians would all be lying if we said we didn’t strive to be straight at some point. We would all just be normal if we could convince ourselves that men did it for us. And I have had a few friends jump fences a few times, and it’s always the same result: if you are really gay, chances are those hookups, and those “mistakes with boys” usually don’t last. If you are anything like me, there is nothing hotter than a woman: from her body, to her smell, her touch. And watching two hot girls make out turns me on and makes me melt faster than ice cream on a sidewalk in the valley on a 108-degree day.

So, guys if a girl says she's gay, just let her be. And if it does come close to the point of her having sex with you, I promise that either she won't be turned on or she'll be faking it.

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