Ladies, what is it about men with picks in their hands and drums at their feet that we just can’t resist? Why is it that we’re so goddamn attracted to anyone holding, strumming or slinging a guitar? Why do we give men who can read music so much more validation than men who can read literature and prose? Well, it’s pretty simple, they’re f*cking hot.
Maybe we like to imagine them strumming their fingers on us. Maybe we figure the sense of rhythm in their hips and their hands will translate to the bedroom.
Maybe we like to imagine them writing love songs and gripping guitar solos about our love affair. Maybe it’s the idea that they could one day be famous and we would be girlfriends of rockstars.
Whatever the reason, just know, you will probably never be their girlfriend, and if you are, it’s a bumpy road ahead.
I’ve been chasing the musician-type since before I knew how hot Jimi Hendrix actually was. I looked for boys at school with musical talent and always gave men with picks and sticks an extra chance. I found myself as hot and bothered for 70-year-olds in Halls of Fame as I did 16-year-olds in school talent shows.
I'd swoon at rock concerts and think seriously about the life of a groupie. However, I’ve been burned enough times to know that men with guitars aren’t reliable or suitable options for future husbands, and it’s because they know they’re hot.
The man with the guitar may not have gotten into music to get chicks, but he sure as hell knows he’s going to get more girls with a guitar in his hands than without. It’s just one of the perks.
Unfortunately for us, they know that women swoon at a G chord and remove their panties for an acoustic cover. And fortunately for them, this just adds to the allure. Their bad-boy, flaky and unsettled nature only creates the desirable type we just can’t stop chasing.
And luckily for them, it doesn’t even matter what they look like. If you’re a man with musical talent and you have the face of King Kong, you will still get laid.
It’s like the instrument blocks the light from their faces and creates a god-like allure that will get men who look like Ringo Starr, Joey Ramone and Tom Petty girlfriends. Because for the first time in history, it doesn’t matter what you look like, but what you sound like.
So for all you ladies who are chasing, dreaming or getting dumped by that hot musician and can’t figure out exactly why you can’t get over the man with the horrible taste in sweaters, but impeccable taste in telecasters -- here are all the reasons we’ll forever be chasing the musician.
They’re American Royalty
We don’t have kings and queens, we have rock 'n' roll sex gods with more money. From The Beatles to The 1975, there’s more popularity, respect and authority placed on men with record deals than good lineage.
In this country, if you can learn chord progressions and acoustic covers of Jim Morrison songs, there’s more of a chance of getting a girl to curtsey for you than if you were related to Prince William.
They Know They’re Hot
They’re no strangers to the allure of their strings. Men in music have mastered the art of seduction and know just how easy it is to make women swoon.
This cavalier attitude that inevitably comes with the knowledge that they can get any chick they want creates a flighty nature and general disinterested affect that women can’t resist. Because it’s common knowledge that we all want what we can’t have.
They Have A Solid History
Anyone who plays an instrument is just following in the steps of his forefathers. From The Stones to The Ramones, even women without proper knowledge of rock 'n' roll history know that rock 'n' roll will always be king and these men may make history one day, too.
The idea that they are completing tasks that John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix and John Frusciante once fulfilled is hot enough to keep us around long past their failed attempts at record deals.
The Bad Boy Complex
Even if he’s just another wimp with a guitar, he’s got that edge about him. You can be a nerd in a "Monty Python" t-shirt, but if you can strum a solid G-scale, there will always be something bad about you.
Because it doesn’t matter what you look like, where you come from or who you were, if you’re a man with an instrument, you’re a man with the ability to break hearts and do more drugs than we’ve ever seen. We imagine you breaking bottles, throwing amps and raising hell for the woman you love.
The Brooding Nature
You have to have some sort of soul to write music, or at least to play it. It’s assumed by women that most men who play music are in-touch with not just their feelings, but their innermost desires and passions.
The idea of a man sitting down to write soulful and profound lyrics is more than enough to get a woman in your bed for days.
Because the promise of dating a musician who is going to dissect, understand and write about you when it's all over is enough insurance to go after a man who will most likely break your heart.
Any man who has given up his life to play an instrument doesn’t live like the stock brokers, gym teachers and tech start-up guys you thought were so intriguing. No, they are the crème de la crème when it comes to interesting and fantastical lives.
With no schedules, drug tendencies, open studios and no objections to spending days in bed or writing songs about sex, the allure of their lives is enough to want to keep you there forever. They create a fantasy world that you may get to peek into once or twice, but many times will never be allowed to stay.
He is our venus fly trap; we are moths to his burning light -- and so long as this world keeps turning, women will flock to the man with the guitar.
Photo via We Heart It