10 Things Kim K Probably Had In Her Cargo Pockets At Last Night's VMAs
Kim Kardashian never fails to surprise us -- and not always in a positive way.
At last night's MTV Video Music Awards, the reality television queen walked the red carpet in a Balmain dress, care of her BFF and brand creative director Olivier Rousteing.
Unfortunately for her, the gown wasn't so much couture as carpenter-chic. With two enormous cargo pockets up front and a sickly olive green hue, Kim's dress screamed Limited Too.
VMA'S 2015! Thank you @balmainparis & @olivier_rousteing for my dress! A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Aug 30, 2015 at 10:10pm PDT
We love you, Kimmy, but excessive detailing isn't the way to slim down an oversized pregnancy stomach.
Take a note from Kanye next time, and slip into sweats instead of squeezing into fashion's idea of maternity wear.
Fortunately, Kim's dress certainly kept us entertained during the show's duller moments.
While Taylor took the stage and Nicki fake fought Miley, we amused ourselves by wondering what, exactly, Kim could be keeping in those ginormous pockets.
A photo posted by OLIVIER R. (@olivier_rousteing) on Aug 31, 2015 at 2:18am PDT
1. Jonathan Cheban
Kim's longtime best friend describes himself as a "TV personality," but anyone who's watched them together is more inclined to call him a hanger-on.
When riding his friend's coattails into the spotlight gets too tiring, Cheban simply hops into her pocket.
It's a free ride, and there are no awkward questions asked about where his VMAs ticket has gone.
2. Kylie's Real Lips
Oh, Kylie. Kim's baby sister is known for two things: her one-time illegal relationship with man-about-town Tyga, and her cosmetically enhanced pout. The new look has certainly made her look older, but even so Kim isn't one to be upstaged by her 18-year-old sister.
That's why Kim keeps Kylie's original, thin lips in her pockets. It's important Kylie doesn't forget where she came from -- reality television fame that Kim won the family.
3. A Sticky Baby Toy
Rising toddler star, North West, was unfortunately left at home while mom and dad got glam for the awards. But, as any parent knows, there's no way to leave your child with a babysitter without accidentally taking something of theirs along.
Even though she probably has a team of stylists, we're willing to bet Kim found a drooly toy stashed by North in one of those pockets.
4. Snacks, Packed By Rob
Most of the Kardashian family sticks to salads and personal training, but Kim's younger brother has struggled with his eating habits on camera since a nasty breakup with pop star Rita Ora. On episodes of "KUWTK," he's often seen ordering McDonald's as a stress reliever.
It makes sense, then, that Rob probably put a little something in a plastic baggie for Kim to munch on during the show. After all, a hungry pregnant lady is an angry one.
5. A Pin Reading "West/Kardashian 2020"
In case you've been living under a social media rock since late last night, Kim's hubby Kanye proclaimed plans to run for president in 2020 during his Video Vanguard acceptance speech. Kim, ever supportive of her spouse, most likely knew ahead of time and had pins made in support of his campaign.
He hasn't announced a running mate, yet -- so it's fair to assume Kim will be on the ticket as well. What would Frank Underwood have to say about all this?
6. Change In The Form Of $100 Bills
Existing in a bubble of celebrity since her early 20s has made Kim pretty much blind to the way the real world functions. While the rest of us scramble for paychecks, Kim probably hasn't touched an ATM since the millennium hit.
Instead, she sends her assistants to take out cash in the largest denomination possible. She doesn't even need to break them.
7. The FDA's Drug Warning Information, To Be Posted To Instagram
While the rest of the world was distracted by Miley Cyrus's bared nipple last night, Kim took the opportunity to sneakily post a follow up to her much-lambasted ad for a morning sickness drug.
Unfortunately for Kim, it's hard to get something past all 44.7 million of your followers without a single one noticing.
8. Kanye's Pregnancy Workout Plan
In 2009, Kanye released his hit "The New Workout Plan" during his rise to stardom. Unfortunately, the nearly-40 rapper isn't the young sprite he used to be. All those pregnancy sympathy cravings have taken their toll, and Kim isn't about to let him get out of line.
Whether he's wearing a tight, leather shirt or sweatpants, you can bet Kanye hit the gym that morning.
9. A Selfie, Taken With Blonde Hair
Followers of Kim's Instagram know that the celeb exists in a nearly constant state of pining for her one-time peroxide blonde locks. And while it hasn't been that long since Paris Fashion week, Kim takes every available chance to post picture of her Marilyn-esque platinum bob.
While pregnant, many women stay away from the harsh chemicals used to dye hair. In that case, Kim must resort to toting around a Polaroid.
10. The Secret To Social Media
Hate her or worship her, you have to admit Kim almost certainly knows a thing or two about social media the rest of us don't. With millions of followers tracking her every mood and a public persona as sweet as honey, the Kardashian middle child is the real queen of Instagram and Twitter.
Where else would you keep that secret, if not on your person at all times?