The other night I found myself questioning whether it is or isn’t acceptable to let a guy pay. When this dude offered to pay for me, I was reluctant because I felt bad about letting him spend money on me when he probably wasn’t “getting anything in return.” As I was about to take the offer, my friend warned me: “He wants to get with you, so be careful.” Is that the expectation when you accept a drink from a guy? Dinner? Are we teasing him if we let him pay?
He didn’t know that I would probably never get with him, but he kept insisting on paying (it wasn’t just for a drink). At that point, I felt more harassed about not letting him pay, so I did. After that, I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the night. Should I have felt guilty? In a time where women are becoming more independent and more people are challenging the idea of letting the guy pay, at what point is it ok?
Admit it - we are hypocritical. At the same time we fight against sexism, we still expect men to pay for us. Let’s face it - it’s nice to save the money. However, as long as guys continue to pay for us, we will continue to depend on them.
It isn’t our fault. We were raised to believe that a man should pay for us. If he doesn’t, we “deserve better than him.” However, this is based on the old-fashioned theory that men are the breadwinners, and women are the caretakers who belong at home. Now, women are more career-focused and successful than ever. Ironically enough, even if we make more money than the man we are out with, we still expect him to pay.
I’m not trying to ruin it for us. I am simply playing devil’s advocate. If guys didn’t pay, I wouldn’t be the same free-riding b*tch I am today. The reality is that a guy won’t let his pride allow you to pay. He was raised with the same beliefs as we were, only his version goes like this: he’s a p*ssy if he lets you pay for him. Although men are bitter about always having to spend money on women, part of them gets off from paying for us. It makes them feel dominant.
When it comes to dinner, it is a respectable move to offer to split the bill. This is not only polite, but puts you at an equal playing ground with the guy. If you aren’t into him yet, and he absolutely insists that he pays for you, it’s his problem. Don’t feel like you owe him anything other than a thank you. Men shouldn’t expect that they can pay their way into getting with you (unless you’re about that life).
The less we expect from men, the less we will rely on them. And who knows, maybe this will lead to healthier relationships in the long run. In order to be successful, you shouldn’t rely on anybody but yourself. Besides, nobody wants to be a gold digger.
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