How To Keep Your Hands As Smooth And Youthful As The Rest Of Your Skin

by Alexia LaFata
Alexey Kuzma

Everyone has their physical insecurities. For some people, it's their pudgy stomach. For others, it's their thick thighs, flabby arms or the cellulite on their ass. The list goes on, really.

As for me, I am deeply, cripplingly insecure about my hands.

I know it's kind of a weird thing to be insecure about. Why can't I just be like a normal girl who hates her love handles instead, right? Ha, well, trust me: I hate those, too. But I hate my hands more.

I've had eczema for as long as I can remember, and it has made my hands dry, cracked, wrinkled, puffy, all-around disgusting and not feminine or youthful at all. Also, I don't have cuticles. Eczema dried them up.

My left hand isn't as bad as my right hand, but look at how DEEP those wrinkles in my knuckles are. Look at that REDNESS. Those FINE LINES. The PUFFINESS.

Here's a close-up of my sh*ttier right hand.


Now, just by looking at that hand, try to guess how old I am. You probably guessed 60, didn't you? Well, you're wrong. I'm 22. My hands have just aged 40 years faster than the rest of me.

It's an unfortunate reality that I care about the appearance of my geriatric hands in addition to all the other physical stuff I'm made to feel insecure about as a woman. But in case you needed a reminder, being YOUNG in this culture is just as important as being THIN, you guys. So, unfortunately, I care.

The waiting area, complete with soothing pink decor.

Smooth Synergy's many hand treatments promised to lessen the appearance of my problem spots and fine lines, smooth over my dry skin and just make my hands look younger. There were multiple treatments available, and I had no idea which one I would be getting, but since I know next to nothing about cosmetics, I figured I could just trust the esthetician.

Michele, my esthetician, recommended a treatment called SQOOM. SQOOM combines ultrasound technology and light treatment with a variety of serums and creams to "penetrate the upper skin layers" and "stimulate the self-production of collagen." Basically, SQOOM was going to fix the damage eczema had caused to my hands. And Michele swore that it wouldn't hurt.

She began by squirting some moisturizing lotion onto a device that was going to emit blue UV light onto my skin. Then, starting with my right hand, she massaged my knuckles and my fingers with the device. I didn't even feel the UV light on my skin. In fact, the massaging actually felt pretty good.

She did this for about 20 or 30 minutes before moving to my left hand.

After the treatment was over, I must say I was impressed. For the first time in my life, my hands actually appeared to match my age. There was a noticeable reduction in redness, swelling, and wrinkles.

Left hand.
The vile right hand.


Kidding. To be honest, I didn't feel that different. Yes, Michele did an incredible job and now my hands sort of match my age, but I already miss freaking my cousin out by rubbing my hands all over her and making her think she would catch my eczema (it's not contagious, by the way).

Not to sound lame, but my hands made me who I am. And even if I had days when I felt super insecure about them, I knew I had plenty of great features, both physically and personality-wise, that made me feel better about myself. Like, I'm tall! I've got nice boobs! My hair is shiny! And I'm a nice, smart, caring person! Who gives a f*ck about gross hands that will definitely look like garbage in engagement ring photos one day when I have so many other things going for me?

Thankfully, this treatment won't last for more than a few days -- I would have to go in for multiple treatments for it to be more permanent -- so I'll go back to my weird, scaly-handed self soon. In the meantime, I'll be seeking out auditions for hand modeling.