How To Overcome Jealousy In Your Relationships Once And For All

by Te-Erika Patterson

You can try to count to ten. You can list out all of your blessings. You can pray and wish and believe in faith for your chance to shine.

But what happens when all of those tactics don’t work? What happens when you see Michelle walking arm in arm with her latest rich boyfriend while you’re spending every Saturday night binging on old episodes of “Friends”? Michelle's hair is longer and prettier than yours. She drives a nicer car. Her family is always there to support her.

You don’t understand why Michelle has been dealt such a good hand in life while you sit idly by, consistently hoping for the tables to turn. You’re jealous. But what can you do about it? Jealousy is natural, right?

Contrary to popular belief, jealousy isn’t a natural behavior. You learned to become jealous the very second the idea of competition was introduced into your life. You learned that there were measurements in life, someone weighing in on your value based on your achievements. Someone showed you a doll and told you this is what you are supposed to look like.

You were told that there were certain life experiences that you had to experience in order to be a success in life. You were blindly caught up in the whirlwind of cleverly disguised marketing schemes designed to create a feeling of inferiority so that you would feel desperate enough to buy the remedy to a problem they taught you to have.

You were hoodwinked.

But you don’t have to remain that way. There is a remedy to the feelings of jealousy and inferiority that continue to be manufactured by this society. You’ll have to be brave enough to step through the door of redemption but once you do, there is no turning back.

How do you get rid of jealousy once and for all?

You have to learn to give up. You have to learn how to lose with grace. You have to teach yourself that there is really no pre-defined limit to the joyous experiences you seek; if someone else can experience them, you can too. You have to know deep inside that with or without those experiences, virtues or achievements, you can still be happy.

You don’t need to achieve someone else’s definition of success in order to feel good about yourself. You don’t need anything specific to happen in order to be happy. Your happiness and self-worth should not hinge on a circumstance or experience that lies outside of who you are intrinsically. Who told you that you had to live your life a certain way? Who told you that you had to always come out on top or be first? Who gave you the impression that unless you were praised and adored by millions your life wasn’t worth anything? Why did you choose to believe them?

Give up. Give up on trying to hit the mark that someone else set for you. Give in. Let her win. Let her be the best. Let her have the life you were told you should live. Celebrate her. Offer sincere gratitude for her achievement of a social norm. Smile at her. Learn from her. Be her friend. Instead of competing with her, join forces with her.

Look at yourself in the mirror and decide what you would like to experience. Go for it. Go hard. But understand that no wish you could make or fantasy you could imagine actually determines your life satisfaction level. You determine how happy your life is, without your parents or authority figures helping to guide you along the way. Take your hands off of the wheel while you pedal hard toward the life you want to create and understand that no matter what happens, if you fall, you won’t break.

In order to fully embrace the creation of your most wonderful hopes for your life experience, you have to be willing not to experience them.  You have to realize that life is a playground filled with wonderful surprises and you won’t miss out on anything that is specially designed for you.

You don’t ever have to experience the angst of jealousy again. You don’t ever have to feel inferior again. You don’t ever need to wonder why Michelle has a different story to tell. Be willing to lose. Be willing to congratulate others sincerely for accomplishing their dreams. Set your own agenda and course for your life. There is no limit to the abundance of joyful experiences in this world; you don’t have to compete for them. Experience them in your own timing at your own pace.

If you think about it, you’re not really looking for the specific experience; you’re anticipating the FEELING of achievement, the peace that comes with accomplishment, the pride that comes with progress and appreciation. You can create all of these feelings during any happy situation; you don’t necessarily need to dictate how they come.

Leave Michelle alone. She has enough to deal with being perceived as perfection and having to live up to that standard every day of her life. The most imperfect people live happier lives because the miserable people aren’t watching them fervently hoping that they will fail.

To learn more tricks for overcoming life's most unnerving situations, visit MySavvySisters.Com.

Photo credit: CW/Gossip Girl