Let me start by saying, I am all for preventative healthcare.
I think it's extremely important to stay informed, to go to yearly doctor's appointments and to know your own body.
The very day I get the "make your annual appointment" postcard in the mail, I set a reminder on my phone (Does anyone remember things any other way anymore?) to call the doctor's office first thing in the morning and set up my appointment.
You know that if you wait too long, you're not going to be able to get in for months and months.
That being said, who really wants to keep that annual gynecologist appointment?
I love checking things off my to-do list, so when I make that appointment and get rid of the reminder to do so on my phone, I'm happy.
But when I see that appointment on my upcoming calendar, I'm less than thrilled.
There are few things as uncomfortably necessary for women than the annual gynecologist exam.
Here are 11 reasons why this yearly check-up is forever women's trump-all card:
1. There’s never a “good” time to schedule your annual.
It’s a lose-lose situation. Who want’s a vagina check-up at 8 am? Furthermore, who wants to have her private parts inspected after a long day at work?
In the summer, you’re sweaty. In the winter, you’re freezing.
Also, who wants to follow a quick stirrups session with your afternoon workout? There is no good time.
2. There’s not much fun in replacing the cute outfit you took time to pick out in the morning with a thin, bathrobe-style smock.
There’s also not much fun in using a free afternoon, that could be spent getting coffee with the girls, at the gynecologist’s office.
Finally, I’m sure every woman would agree she could do without hearing the words, “Keep scooting down until you can feel my hand” again.
3. Sitting in the waiting room at an OBGYN, we encounter the paths of life we have yet to achieve.
After seeing young women who are pregnant, we slowly realize, year to year, these women are suddenly very close to our own age.
There’s nothing worse than a gyno waiting room to make you realize you need to get your sh*t together.
4. It's unlike any other doctor's office waiting room.
On the same wavelength, the gyno waiting room is like any other doctor’s office waiting room, in that you are suddenly diagnosing yourself with conditions and diseases you more than likely do not have.
You’re eyeing someone next to you who seems to not feel well, or you’re perusing a pamphlet on common sexually transmitted diseases.
It’s almost as bad at WebMD, without your mom on the other end of the phone telling you to get off your laptop and stop freaking out.
5. We have to be weighed.
We have to be weighed more than once a year, and we have to listen to the comments about why we weigh more or less this time from people who see us rarely, and can notice the difference more than anyone.
My roommate and I often wonder, "Can’t they just skip this part?"
Call my primary, or don’t show me the number.
6. Without fail, every OBGYN office runs late.
This gives you about 35 minutes to stare at a diagram of the female reproductive system, or read a six-month old Parenting magazine article about Nick and Vanessa Lachey’s perfect life.
You’ll never get those 35 minutes back.
7. They ask how many partners you've had.
At the gyno, they ask, “And are you with the same partner?”
When you’re single and dating around, this is an uncomfortable one to answer.
After a recent breakup, this question opens that wound and is totally crushing.
Finally, when you’ve just recently started sleeping with someone new, you feel weird answering, as if you’re about to jinx a good thing.
Basically, this is just uncomfortable to answer no matter what. (Well, it is until you’re married).
8. When’s the last time a guy had a metal instrument stuck up his you-know-what?
I didn’t think so.
9. Yes, we get a little boob action.
Although it’s extremely important to do regular breast exams, this is not the fun kind of boob action.
Small talk during a breast exam is one of the most awkward forms of small talks there is.
10. It's a weird topic.
Even if you don’t feel uncomfortable at the gyno, there are few people who won’t feel uncomfortable when you say that’s where you’ve been, especially men.
Just use it as your next excuse for being late to your male supervisor. Case closed!
11. You feel gross.
After an appointment that’s specifically about your sexual health, it’s likely you’ll feel anything but sexy. You talk about sex at length, but it’s in the medical, scientific terms.
All that sex talk at the gyno is, unfortunately, nothing like reading the latest Cosmo.
Stirrups and Cosmo aside, though somewhat humorous, always uncomfortable and nerve-wracking, a woman's annual gynecologist appointment is a necessary evil.
As a woman, it's one of the most important appointments we attend each year.
That doesn't mean you can't use it as the perfect excuse for being late for work, though.