There is nothing more precious to me than girls' night.
Speaking as a perma-single lady, girls' nights are basically the bread and butter of my social life. My girlfriends are my lifeblood.
Frankly, the moment you f*ck with girls' night, I no longer want to f*ck with you.
Let’s get totally real, there’s a code surrounding nights out with your lady friends. It’s, like, the rules of feminism.
Ladies, print out the commandments below. Stick them on your fridge. Forward them to your friends.
Next time you and your girls are out, you'll have backup when you’re neck deep in some shady business.
1. Thou shalt always hold up your girl’s hair if she’s puking.
Actually, scratch that. She doesn’t even have to be your friend.
If a girl doesn’t have someone keeping her curls out of her face as she upchucks her awful decisions, you have to be there to help. It’s a rule of basic human decency.
Seriously, this is how friendships are made.
I don’t know how many times I've held some random girl’s hair out of her face in the bathroom line, only to go out with her a couple of weeks later to a bar that doesn't know her as Puking Paula.
2. Thou shalt always be a wing woman.
If your girl found a hottie, it’s your job to deal with his friends while she isolates him.
It doesn’t matter if his friends aren’t exactly tens, if they can’t talk about anything except their finance jobs or are the most insufferable idiots in the hemisphere.
You pretend to give a sh*t and distract them for long enough to help your girl get some D.
3. Thou shalt always tell your girl if her beer goggles are on too tight.
It’s your responsibility as a woman to keep your friend away from the twos and threes, guiding her toward the higher end of the spectrum.
If she starts getting a little too close to a guy who looks a little too much like the Slut Whisperer, it’s your right to grab her.
Whisk her off to the bathroom and proceed to splash her face with water until she realizes what a psycho she is.
4. Thou shalt not talk about boys all night.
Yes, I know your douche of an ex-boyfriend is a walking piece of sh*t.
I listened to you cry about him for weeks and comforted you via group text.
But, if I have to listen to another tirade about how you’re better off without him and how much he’s losing out, I will zone out.
Tonight is about having fun, getting drunk and dancing like idiots.
Stop ruining it by thinking about your ex.
5. Thou shalt take off your heels if your friends do the same.
If your girl is over the whole heels thing, you better kick off your Giuseppes and join her.
She's given up on looking chic, so you will follow suit. Be short together.
Also, there’s no bonding experience quite like stepping on something sticky at the same time.
6. Thou shalt always share your going-out clothes.
It’s the sisterhood of the traveling LBD.
If your girl has no idea what the f*ck to wear, you loan her a dress. If she’s not loving her skirt, you give her yours.
Sharing is caring, ladies.
Nothing is off-limits, not even the All Saints leather mini you haven’t taken the tags off yet.
Friendship is about sacrifice. Besides, what’s yours is hers.
That is, until she spills wine on your Helmut Lang.
Then, you can kill her.
7. Thou shalt always tell her if her makeup looks like sh*t.
If it’s before midnight and you’re still moderately sober, it’s your job as a soul sister to tell her if her lipstick is all over her teeth or if her eyeliner creased up to her eyebrows.
Also, it’s your duty as a citizen of this earth to tell her if too much body glitter is really too much body glitter.
Spoiler alert, it's always too much body glitter.