Unlike our physically aggressive male counterparts, when it comes to girl-on-girl competition, we prefer torturing our opponent with social mind games rather than an all-out brawl.
Some believe this passive form of fighting is an evolutionary tactic to protect our uteruses, but in reality, it’s just way more entertaining to watch (see: Bravo reality television, the Lifetime network and “Pretty Little Liars”).
Female competition can be explained by a variety of theories. What we find even more compelling (read: less boring to read) are the ridiculous things about which we ladies choose to one-up each other.
From the alpha male to the Alpha Chi Omega sorority girl, here are the 17 types of modern-day female competition:
1. Who ate more last night
“I’m so fat. I ate, like, three boxes of frozen chocolate-covered bananas.”
“Please, those are, like, healthy for you. There’s real fruit in there. Last night, I literally double-fisted a box of Lorna Doones and party mix. The salty sweet combo is like crack to me."
2. LOVING a celebrity first, b*tch
We all like to claim that we “found” Iggy Azalea first, or that we totally called Jennifer Lawrence being the next Hollywood BFF. Guess what? Nobody is impressed that you troll Us Weekly.
For real, though, we got dibs on Dakota Johnson. The “50 Shades of Grey” chick is going to be huge.
3. Scenario: two guys approach you and your friend at the bar... and you get stuck with the ugly one
Quick! Take this short quiz: Do you...
A) Sigh resignedly. She can have the Hot One. You’ll play the dutiful wingman this round. [Competitive Factor: 0]
B) Pick up your cleavage and start drawing attention to yourself. You’re not going down without a fight. [Competitive Factor: 10]
What are best friends for, right?
4. Who has a darker tan
You’ve actually caught yourself referencing your friend’s arm as the shade you’d like to achieve. For the rest of us fair-skinned, light-haired, light-eyed specimens, we know when to throw in the towel.
5. Number of ‘likes’ on Instagram within 10 minutes
Trust us, she only has that many because she’s on a beach and got a boob job. Lucky betch. Over her.
6. Who had a tougher day at work
We’re all ambitious females, pushing ourselves to the limit in pursuit of success. Stop saying “nobody gets it.” We ALL get it.
7. Who worked harder during that gym class
Basically anything surrounding the gym is a point of contention amongst ladies.
We’re either motivating each other to: A) "Please, please come with me to this yoga class? I promise, you lose, like, 20 pounds!" or B) we’re intimidating the hell out of our friends: "My personal trainer made me do Jennifer Aniston’s workout yesterday with two small children strapped to my back."
8. Street style
See someone on the street looking better than you? "Ugh, I wish I could pull off floppy hats." Make a mental note to push her into oncoming traffic and then scour Urban Outfitters for her outfit.
9. Male attention
Darwinism at its finest.
10. Who can drink the most
“My friends and I actually play this game (conveniently called 'The Game') in which one (un)lucky winner is randomly selected to be the drunkest person at the event, and then we all have to try to beat her.” -- overheard at Elite Daily
A drinking game that cuts to the point. We like it.
11. Knowledge of Beyoncé
You are equipped with more facts than an IMDB trivia page. You got this.
12. Who’s more in love with her ah-mazing trainer
“Seriously, he made us do, like, 1,000 squats while screaming that we were hideous in Russian. It was soooo motivating.”
“My trainer was on 'The Biggest Loser' season six and said we were in worse shape than his obese contestants. I love him.”
We’re really in love with our trainer, too, Mr. Pringle.
13. Followers on social media
High school had cliques to determine popularity. Now, in adulthood, we have Twitter and followers.
There, there. If you’re in last place, just remember all the random creeps who can’t stalk your picture tonight. This should comfort you.
14. Denying the bread basket
This is one of our favorite forms of female competition, if only because we don’t engage in it.
15. Last longest on juice cleanse
...We’re kidding. Sort of.
16. The pretty contest
“Your thigh gap is so fierce; you could fit an Olsen twin between your legs.”
“Please, I would die for your cheekbones. They could seriously cut glass.”
“You are effin’ gorgeous.”
“You are way more attractive than I am.”
Ugh, sometimes it’s so hard being me.
17. The ex-girlfriend
OOF, don’t get us started. That’s a whole different side of female competition.
...But, really, she's. going. down.
Photo Courtesy: Tumblr