Girls talk a lot of sh*t when it comes to being single, and most of it depicts their singleness as a hand they chose rather than were dealt.
Why? Because apparently, being single is socially regressive and closely equated to having a disease. But, despite its seemingly embarrassing nature, being single isn’t actually a disease, nor is it a rite of passage.
It’s just a fact of life, like cellulite or your mom adding you on Facebook. Everyone is single at some point, but some of us hate to admit it and instead, come up with vague, self-validating reasons as to why we don’t have boyfriends.
Excuses, lies and social fabrications are there to serve a purpose: to make a single gal feel better every time a friend finds a boyfriend or, worse, gets engaged.
Sometimes, though, saying these things only make you feel or look worse. These are five of the most common excuses to avoid when you feel like you’re being single shamed:
“I intimidate men.”
This is the mother of all excuses, often seeded by someone in your family or social circle who worships the ground you walk on.
It goes a little something like this: “You’re just too pretty and smart and independent. You’re so confident, boys are scared of girls like you.”
Single girls take pride in this reason because it massages their egos. In reality, you may very well be an alpha female: You’re probably smart, independent and beautiful, but so are many other girls — other girls who have boyfriends.
In this case, your triple-threat combo has probably led to some serious walls, which men find hard to break down.
While this reason might make you feel better, it’s relatively transparent and sort of just makes you seem needy and narcissistic.
If you feel single shaming coming in hot, cool it down with, “I’m just wading in the dating pool right now.” You'll feel better for the humility.
“I just came out of a pretty messy relationship.”
Remember that time when you went to a dinner party and everyone was in a couple and they were all like "Do you even go here?"
Cue your "I just broke up with someone and I’m pretty cut up about it" mixtape, which really sounds like a rendition of “We actually broke up two years ago and I can’t get over it.”
Your ex may have been the love of your life, but unfortunately, he is the essence of his namesake: your ex. After two years, it’s pretty safe to say he’ll remain all the way back there in the past.
Try not to burden everyone with your first world problems because this makes you sound high-maintenance. Go with something real and something casual, “I just haven’t found anyone I’m interested in dating yet.”
“Men have too many feelings.”
You are a badass player. You are way too much of a hot, sassy bitch to be needy. People applaud your heart of stone because you’re a stone cold fox.
You are pretty much Chloë Sevigny and you have all the men feeling the feels.
If you’re checking these boxes like men are checking you out, then they probably do have a lot of feelings for you, most likely in their pants, maybe sometimes in their hearts.
This single shaming reason is reserved for those who want to appear unattached and unattainable. You may be slightly insecure or perhaps a little wounded from bad experiences with past relationships.
But still, it’s not conducive to your love life to tell people or guys you have no feelings. It’s an immediate roadblock to romance.
If you’re looking to appear cool and a bit blasé, go with “I’m having fun being single but wouldn’t say no if the right guy came along.”
“I’m just focusing on my career for a while.”
We all know there is always time for dating, even Amal Alamuddin knows that. The “focusing on my career” excuse is a timeless one that mostly comes across as a little immature.
It’s as bad as “I just don’t have the time” or “I want to get back to knowing the real me before I find someone.”
As humans, we’re made to love and be loved, so to deny yourself that in exchange for excelling in your career seems quite depressing.
Sure, people will be impressed by your tenacity and resilience, but ultimately, they’ll probably just feel sorry for you.
Let’s play with something a little more upbeat and open-ended like, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”
“I have commitment issues.”
The commitment issues excuse is very transparent and something that equates to “I’m scared of getting hurt and I want you to pursue me and prove your worth.”
As it tumbles out of your mouth, you secretly hope it paints you as a vixen who's hard to nail down. The thing is, this reason doesn’t make you seem as sexy and desirable as you might think it does.
Believe it or not, men are far more emotionally evolved than we give them credit for. They are beings with desires, needs and feelings that need tending to, just like women.
While they like the chase, if you seem closed off and unreceptive to their advances, they will very quickly halt their steps in your cutesy tic-tac quest for love.
Next time someone asks you why you’re single, it's better to go with “I’m not really sure what I’m looking for in a partner.”
Single shaming can be degrading, and no one likes to feel romantically inferior or inept, but it’s the people who are able to be honest who will be granted healthy doses of clarity, confidence, courage and commitment.
Being single is a choice, not a disease, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.