The 5 Phases Every Girl Goes Through When She Loses Her Phone
Losing your phone f*cking sucks; there's absolutely no other way to put it. I mean, it's probably the most annoying thing that could happen to a person over the weekend.
You go out with every intention of having a great night with your friends and the next time you go to check your Instagram feed, your phone is simply gone.
Did it get stolen while you were adjusting your eyeliner in the bathroom mirror? Did you accidentally put it down at the bar and, consequently, will never see it again? Or did some scum-sucking, road whore just ruin your life?
Whatever it is that actually happened, one thing is certain: Your phone is gone and so is your connection to society. How are you supposed to function when you can't refresh your news feed every 30 seconds? *This would be sarcasm, FYI.
But what is it really like inside the mind of a girl who just got her phone jacked? Let's take a look...
Phase 1: Euphoria
You are having the time of your life, despite the fact that you're doing exactly what you did last weekend: dancing around without a care in the world. You don't give a sh*t about anything going on around you, especially since your eyes have been closed for the past hour and a half.
You and your friends are all in a state of bliss, letting go of the stressful work week you all endured. Everything and everyone is looking great, so you decide it's totally Insta-worthy... you reach in your pocket, but you can't find what you're looking for.
Phase 2: Anxiety
"OMG!!! Guys! I can't find my phone!"
"No! It's not there I swear, I'm not that drunk. Can someone PUHH-LEASE call it?"
You freak out and empty your purse on whatever the closest surface to you is; actually no, the floor is closest, yes that's exactly where you go. But no matter how many times you scan through your belongings, your phone is just simply not there.
Phase 3: Sheer Panic
Okay, it's not in your purse and your best friend has called you 14 1/2 times and basically just wants to punch you in the face. You now are asking every single person you encountered during the night if he or she has seen a white iPhone 5s because it's such a distinguishable device.
You quiz the bartender, interrogate the bathroom attendant and ask your best friend one more time (because she was lying this entire time, right?). But, of course, no one has seen it.
Phase 4: Frantically sprinting around like a psycho
Okay, you lost your buzz and now you're just f*cking pissed. No longer are you in a state of euphoria, you are in Dante's "Inferno." You don't care who you push out of the way, you are on a mission. Your phone is the only thing on your mind because the last thing you want to do is explain to your parents why there are no more upgrades left on the family plan.
Sure, you could hash out $600, but let's be serious, you couldn't even afford groceries this week, let alone a cell phone. If that were me, I'd be digging through every surface of my room, hunting down my Blackberry. Shout out to BBM, #TBT.
You hold your head down in shame and thank God you didn't lose your wallet too, as you take a taxi home.
Phase 5: Waking up and remembering all over again
Somehow, you manage to pass out the second you get home, after (clearly) stopping for pizza en route because you're just so upset. Upon waking up, you do as you normally do and reach for your phone to inspect the damage caused by the prior evening.
You, unfortunately, realize that the worst has happened to you: You have lost your beloved cell phone.
How are you supposed to know the weather? You mean you actually have to GO OUTSIDE? What about Instagram? How are you going to know what even happened last night without it? Ugh, life is just so hard sometimes.
Hey, at least you didn't drunk text any boys you shouldn't have and, honestly, isn't that all that really matters at the end of the night? The fact that you only embarrassed yourself mildly is good enough for you, and these days, we really just have to take what we can get.
Photo via Tumblr