Not to sound all Fox Five News Team or anything, but the seemingly glamorous club life that we millennials partake in is fraught with serious concerns. We’re not talking about the party girl problems that come with the club rat territory; we’re talking about the worrisome dangers of excessive clubbing.
Risking your new shoes? Anxious about what the night holds? Don’t be scared, young wallflower. Just be warned: these are the club nightmares that every girl must consider before committing to a wild night out.
Losing Your Jacket
How does a jacket go missing in coat check? Who is clepto-ing our parkas from the couches? After losing way too many peacoats, we must face a choice: to wear one or to brave the line sans covering. The die-hards have a special, shabby coat that they use for nightclub purposes only.
Being The Odd Girl Who Doesn’t Get In
Especially if you and your friends have an “every man for herself” policy at the door, things can get really cutthroat upon entry to the club. There’s nothing more demeaning than being given the once-over and then denied access inside. Cut your losses; it’s on to the next one.
The Bathroom Line Will Make You Miss Half The Party
It’s no secret that women take so long using the restroom because the majority of the time is spent waiting on line. When you’re ready to go to the bathroom, you have to ask yourself, “do I want to stand in the queue for a solid 20 minutes?”
Smooching With A Promoter
Sometimes promoters pull a fast one on you and it’s completely accidental. Other times, you have to indulge them to get what you want. Regardless, we will never take them seriously.
Raining While You’re Standing Outside
Those first few drops are enough to make us give up entirely and call it an evening. It’s a pretty miserable experience when it’s a torrential downpour and you just spent 45 minutes taming your hair. One of our biggest fears is sacrificing our perfectly composed coifs to the rain gods. The solution? Bring an umbrella and be prepared to lose it, along with number one on this list.
Getting Rubbed On By CREEPS
If we’re trying to get weird to our own beat, don’t come and invade our space and then not take a hint when we try to shoo you off. It’s extremely aggravating when creeps are provoked by our request for personal space and instead taunt us with their presence. Just let us do our thing on the dance floor!
Ruining Your Clothes And Tarnishing Your Shoes
Your stained belongings are evidence of your partying lifestyle. Better think twice before wearing that new silk skirt to 1Oak if you want to keep it clean.
Drunkenly Leaving Alone
In the back of every woman’s head there is a little safety net that reminds her not to get too drunk or lose her way. When we’ve separated from the group, this internal autopilot is essential in securely guiding us home.
An Empty Space
Perhaps dinner ended early and you’re beating the midnight rush. You arrive and get past the doormen only to discover there’s no one inside and the party is kind of lame. Ah, the horror!
Those cross-body purses we think are so trendy? Prime bag to pick-pocket undetected while you're shimmying on the dance floor. As long as you won’t have your fingers full, we suggest donning the almighty clutch. Keeps your hands where we can see them.
Not Getting To The Bottle In Time
Last on the pass? Sucks to suck.
Bruises From Falling Off The Couch
If you’re rocking stilettos, you won’t be balancing on the sofa any time soon, unless you want to disclose how you really split your knee open. Do yourself a solid and stay away from any table dancing fatalities.
Mauling Your Arm After Using It As An Ashtray
There’s nothing more painful than being burned from an errant cigarette by a reckless dancer. Keep your open flames to yourselves, people!
Top Photo Courtesy: Kirill Was Here