Attention ladies: Foreplay just got a little, um, crafty.
You can do some pretty weird stuff in the bedroom if you put your imagination to the task, but online retailer Pretty Woman Inc. just topped all of your wildest ideas with the launch of Passion Dust Intimacy Capsules -- aka actual glitter bombs for your vagina.
And, honestly, the concept is getting some mixed reviews.
On one hand, who doesn't love glitter?
On the other, who really wants to decorate their vagina with it?
Here's how the far-from-pixie dust works.
At least one hour prior to intercourse (so, obviously, this needs to be a planned activity), the “sparkalized capsule” is to be inserted into the vagina, allowing the warm and cozy inner workings of your lady parts to naturally moisten the capsule, which will dissolve into a glittery, candy-flavored component.
And voilà, your vagina is now all aglow.
Now, I'd consider myself to be pretty adventurous in the bedroom, but this may be where I draw the line.
I mean, I didn't even hop on the bedazzling trend back in elementary school when every backpack, pencil case, and T-shirt was decked out in glitz.
Body dust should be topical, not internal.
According to Pretty Woman Inc., the flavor is "sweet like candy, but not overly sweet, just enough to make your lover feel that your Yara (water-lady or little butterfly) is what all vaginas are supposed to look, feel and taste like; soft, sweet and magical!”
As if a woman's outer shell isn't under enough scrutiny, now my reproductive organs are expected to look, feel, and taste a certain way? Please.
The brand points out that, because the magic dust is made with cosmetic-grade glitters and non-toxic gem powders, colored with pigments, and rounded rather than hexagonal, you don't have to worry about it causing harm to your lady parts.
However, in a recent blog post, Don't Glitterbomb Your Vagina, leading gynecologist Dr. Jen Gunter warned about a number of reasons why this magically delicious dust could end up causing misery for your vagina:
Could the plastic be a nidus for bacteria? Sure. I've seen a nasty inflammatory vaginal discharge from sand, so this could be a similar set up. Might the little flakes of plastic produce vaginal wall granulomas ? (A granuloma is walled off inflammatory mass produced by tissue in response to a foreign body). They could. If it isn't plastic and it's sugar, well, depositing sugar in the vagina lets the bad bacteria go wild.
Of course, this doesn't really come as much of a surprise.
Dr. Charles Ascher-Walsh, founder of ExpertAlternatives.com, director of the Division of Gynecology, and co-director of the Division of Minimally Invasive Surgery at The Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City tells Elite Daily,
It is not healthy to leave anything in the vagina for too long. Any substance can be a nidus for infection and douching to get it out can change the normal vaginal flora and predispose the woman to an infection and increase vaginal discharge and odor.
Ah, bad bacteria and a chance of inflammatory discharge -- the hallmarks of any great sexual experience.
Also, why do women's vaginas need to look "prettier?"
Aside from the fact that this newfound trend is actually more silly than it is sexy, it also raises some really important questions about societal expectations of women.
Who decides, and when was it decided, that vaginas should look, feel, and even taste a certain way?
Society has already gone too far with its expectations for a woman's aesthetic, but this fantastical idea of the female anatomy is so ridiculous, it's hard to look at Passion Dust and feel anything other than an overwhelming amount of concern.
If you think spicing up your sex life with a capsule full of glitter is enticing, sure, go for it.
Just know that a sprinkle of magic dust does not determine how beautiful your body is, naturally.