The Breakup Chronicles: How To Get Over And Bounce Back From Your First True Love
Breakups suck. Period. You know it, I know it, and your entire social network knows it. In all honesty, the scars from repeated breakups are enough to deter someone from continuing the dating game.
Until you meet “the one” - if you believe in that sort of thing - you will have to deal with the ups and downs of being with your temporary men. Out of all the relationship breeds, the worst, but potentially the best, relationship to break from is your first true love.
The beginning of this type of relationship is reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet. Whether it’s fate, serendipity, destiny or whatever else you want to call it, you feel as if there is another factor at play. Immediately, you know that this time, it’s different.
You and your soon-to-be man are meant to be together. This person instantly captivates you, and slowly, you two become infatuated with one another. The feisty banter, enigmatic chemistry and raw sexual compatibility seduce you like a sweet poison, and your life has changed in the blink of an eye.
This person is on your mind 24 hours a day and you couldn’t clear your thoughts, even if you tried. For some this is understandably confusing, while others revel in the intoxicating obsession.
Whether it’s welcomed or not, for the first time in your bland life, you understand what all the fuss is about. Not only do you find this person unbearably attractive, but you also have a quality connection outside of the sheets.
The time you two spend together is never enough, and both parties leave wanting more. The feelings you get in his presence are addicting, and the realization dawns upon you that the heavy feeling you have in your heart is love.
True, real love. You adore your partner and the intensity of your feelings makes you want to scream out “He’s mine!” but the foreignness of everything and the fear of unrequited love create reservations.
Instead of exposing the true depth to your feeling, you submit to happiness. You tell this person how happy he or she makes you, and because it’s eagerly reciprocated, you know you are on the same page.
Finally, in a blessed occurrence, someone breaks, professes their love, and the other echoes the same sentiment. You really are over the moon with joy.
YOU ARE IN LOVE, GOD DAMMIT! You allow your previously apprehensive mind to wander a little and indulge in fantasy. You start to paint a theoretical picture of the future with this man. What you see is a version of gold-covered unicorns dancing in a field of rainbows and pixie dust.
Being in love is euphoric, so this vision seems logical to you. You feel as if the world finally makes sense, life’s puzzle pieces are falling into place, and nothing could be wrong ever again.
Suddenly, something is very wrong, specifically in your relationship. Wait, what? What’s happening? The white veil at your feet confuses you, as your relationship climaxes after only a short while and you have no idea why.
As quick as you were envisioning the future, you’re reliving your past. The only person you loved is gone, and you’re left single, wondering, “What the hell just happened?”
Depending on the type of person you are, this can be shaky ground. If you happen to be an overall immature person at the time of a breakup, God help everyone involved. In summary, this will be a small-scale apocalypse for your dignity.
Even for the more mature, your previous experiences leave you unprepared for such an attack on your heart; this is your first love, after all. Despite your attempts at accepting this rejection with grace, as you know you should, your façade slowly starts to crack.
All the pain, rejection, confusion and anger starts to seep out, and it becomes harder to contain the flow. You lash out at your former lover, while also try to mask the pain with whatever soothes the burn. For once in your life, the void left by a man leaving your life feels next to impossible to fill.
The demon called insecurity starts to get the better of you. You wonder if this person ever loved you and why it seemed so easy for him or her to leave.
After a while, it seems as if the pain will never go away. Your mind races with thoughts of your former lover and thoughts of your relationship, and you convince yourself that the reason it feels so empty is because you are meant to be with this person. Right? WRONG.
This type of mindset is why many people, males and females, leave their post-breakup stage (PBS) with their head in the sand, wishing they were invisible to their ex.
Truly believing that you are meant to be with someone marks the PBS with drunk phone calls/texts, unwarranted professions of love, and most of all, an overwhelming sense of embarrassment after each spectacle.
As you start to dig yourself deeper into your hole of shame, you realize that your romance is more like “500 Days of Summer” rather than your beloved “Romeo and Juliet.”
Unfortunately, the length of the PBS for this type of relationship is varied, and is what, in math, they call the unknown value.
Depending on how quickly, or easily, you fall for someone else, you could be looking at a solid year in remission. The silver lining is that you will absolutely reach the stage when you couldn’t give less of a sh*t.
One day, you will stumble across your former lover’s profile page, or even have an in-person run-in, and all you will see is a stranger. At this point in time, you’ll feel free and start looking at men with rose-colored glasses again.
You are pleasantly shocked at how attractive the opposite sex is, and you know your door is once again open. You recoil at the thought of letting a temporary someone make you feel like your world was crashing in.
You’re hot, you’re charming, and now, you’re single. Surprisingly, the turmoil of falling in and out of love makes you strangely optimistic about trying again. If it could happen once, it can happen again. In the semi-wise words of Britney Spears, “Hit me, baby, one more time.” Just make sure it’s a different man you’re calling “baby.”
Breaking up with someone you love is like having your heart ripped out. You may not be able to think clearly for a while, but be thankful that this person is your first hear break.
With the knowledge that you will eventually move on, allow yourself to keep warm with a bottle of vodka and soak those luxury pillows with your tears.
You may come out the other end feeling stupid and immature, but that will disappear if you accept you cannot defend against something you have no experience with.Remember that the only probable war this person will be the love of your life is if you die shortly after the breakup.
This relationship should be viewed as a life-changing experience, a lesson in life. Understand that you two were just not meant to be. You will have time to fall in love again, and hopefully when you do, it will be for good.
Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr