What It's Like When Your Best Friend Falls Into The Honeymoon Stage
It is overwhelmingly frustrating that no one, and I mean no one, ever talks about the fact that your single best friend does not find herself overjoyed for your success in finding love.
Every "Sex and the City" episode or Nora Ephron film ever created begs to differ, mind you, but in real life, our best friends do not organize trumpet-led parades in honor of our new flame.
I mean, is she happy for you? Kind of. She definitely wants to be because she knows she should.
But, is she on the edge of her seat, doe-eyed, head propped on her palms waiting to gather every last drop of the juicy details surrounding your love life? Um, no. No, she definitely isn’t.
If we’re being honest now, it’s way more likely a girl’s best friend feels an array of more passively hostile feelings.
Like, annoyance with a dash of jealousy, accompanied by avoidance of all subjects related to your newfound bliss.
Sure, she may smile and nod while you gush about that one thing he did, that one time, when you were at the one place.
She may squeal at all the appropriate moments of your over-detailed account and give you input on your Pinterest wedding board. But, it isn’t like the movies.
She doesn’t scrape by each day just to ensure she doesn’t miss a crucial detail about some thoughtful display of affection that has taken place in your life.
She’s more than likely just praying she can get through your 45-minute lunch date without vomiting over your constant replay of date night last week.
The fact of the matter is this best friend isn’t sure how she feels about your newfound love.
This is the girl who has spent a considerable amount of her life as your partner and your other half. She’s the one you’d call when you just had to kill a bottle at the end of a long day.
She sifted through the bullsh*t of your ex-boyfriends and spent hours dissecting their emotionally-loaded, one-word texts.
She’s done the happy “he’s the one” dance with you before, and she’s let you ugly cry on her shoulder when it all went up in flames.
Hell, she’s even dated someone similar to your Mr. Right, and that guy turned out to be an assh*le. Why should she trust this one?
She has a hard time believing this is the real deal, so when you start shifting your priorities in his favor, she finds it difficult to be that supportive, giggly friend.
I can see why Hollywood would want to do away with this little truth in virtually every romantic comedy ever created.
Realizing some of your closest friendships may suffer because of you falling in love is a hard pill to swallow.
Because love is the ultimate goal, right? There shouldn’t be any hardships about this; everyone should be thrilled about everyone else finding love, right?
No one tells you that in real life, balancing romance, friendship and grown-up responsibilities is a real bitch. Like, “it’s the first day of my period, PMSing so hard right now, I hate you for breathing” kind of bitch.
When you finally get swept away in your own charming meet-cute (or matched on Tinder), your life begins to drastically change.
You start spending a lot more of your free time with Mr. Right, and the time spent with your partner-in-crime becomes less and less, which is a problem.
That might mean leaving her alone at the end of her long days; that might mean she has no shoulder to ugly cry on.
She might start to resent that feeling of loneliness, and resent you for feeling that way. In a way, she is warranted. But in a way, she’s being irrational.
Ladies and gentlemen, the record must be set straight.
If you get into a relationship, even if said relationship is finally the right one, this does not excuse you from your friendship duties.
You can’t cold-turkey quit a friendship that’s lasted years, in hopes of furthering a blossoming romance.
Friendships are important, and honestly vital to one’s sanity while dating any man, even Mr. Right.
You have a duty to put forth effort to keep plans, to shut your mouth about your perfect love life and to let your best friend bitch about her mother, her love handles or what Kim Kardashian was wearing last week.
It’s your friendship duty, and it is not to be cast aside.
On the other end of the spectrum, if you are the best friend, you have to take a minute to assess the situation, sans bias.
If your best friend thinks she’s in love, you should be happy for her. I mean, really, truly happy for her.
You know firsthand the amount of repulsive toads it took her to get to this point. After all your prince-selection coaching, she wouldn’t claim another toad. You know that, right? Give her a little credit where credit is due.
It’s also crucial for best friends to come to the realization that although they are not being replaced, when a girl meets “the one,” he becomes her best friend too.
He’s not going to be sketchy or questionable like the ones before. He’s going to want to hang out with her just as much as you do, if not more.
As a best friend, you need to sympathize that it’s hard for her to divvy up her free time, and that she’s doing the best she can.
The reality is, times have changed, and if she’s right and he is “the one,” things might never be back to the way they were before. You might never have to drag her from the doorsteps of her ex-boyfriend again, or take her phone away after her sixth shot of tequila.
You might never have to hear another diatribe about how she hates all men, or how she wishes she could be lesbian and marry you because there’s not a man out there who's going to “get her” like you do.
You may never perform your legendary "Single Ladies" duet at karaoke on Saturday nights. She might not be able to tag team exceptionally attractive twins with you if the opportunity ever presented itself. (Though, this is likely depressing for her as well.)
Things might never be that way again, but if it means she’s finally happy, you should try your hardest to be okay with that.
You should try your hardest to be thankful for this change because that means she’s not going to have to suffer heartaches or breakups anymore.
Rest assured, there will be times she will pick him over you, and that might hurt your feelings. This is okay because the time invested in their relationship is not time wasted.
Time invested in their relationship is time invested in her future; it's time invested in her happiness. Deep down, you know that.
What you should keep in mind, though, is that sometimes, she will pick you over him. If he’s the right one, that will not hurt his feelings at all.
This is good because the time invested in your friendship, the love you put forth and the tequila shots you offer are not wasted. And, deep down, he knows that.