Is Beauty Pain? 16 Questions Every Girl Asks Herself While Shopping At Sephora

Sephora is like the retail equivalent of a boyfriend for every girl -- it’s there for you on bad days when you just want to get lost for a while, it’s got everything you need to feel beautiful and no matter what, you somehow end up spending way more time and money than you originally planned.

When shoes are too expensive and trying on clothes sounds too frightening, Sephora is the place for a quick purchase pick-me-up. A new lipstick is instant gratification. Nail polish is a collector’s item. These are our thrills and they need no explanation.

BRB, we’re getting high just thinking about that Prada Candy perfume and vibrating YSL mascara. You know you shouldn’t, but you’re going to anyway because, to quote "American Beauty," “Sometimes there’s so much beauty [products] in the world, I feel like I can’t take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.”

Or something like that. Here are all the thoughts that go through a girl’s head when she’s in Sephora.

1. Do they know I’m not actually going to buy anything?

It was really nice shmearing this $95 BB cream all over my face, though. Thank you and I will come again.

2. Why do they make orange lipstick?

Why is this blue? Why does this look very passable, though?

3. How do you open this?

Beware: If you draw attention to yourself, a salesperson will approach you and question why you’ve been there for close to an hour. Quickly conceal all traces of bronzer on your face.

4. Do I really need a case of four lip glosses?

Long Answer: If you put one in your bag for like, every day, then you have one for going out, one for fun days and one to lose immediately in a jacket pocket. Or you could give one to your sister, who would appreciate anything you give her. Short answer: Yes, yes you do.

5. Am I going to contract an eye infection?

Was that brush germ-free? Because I am not finding disinfectant cleaner anywhere.

6. Will she ever move out of the way of the mirror?

There should be lanes and time limits, like a gym for applying makeup.

7. (While deciding on “Better Than Sex” mascara) I am a sucker for marketing

I’m probably going to buy “Orgasm” blush, too. Because I need it, okay?

8. Is the Sephora brand really that bad?

This gold eyeliner is $10. F*ck it.

9. Am I below stealing the tester?

Bad question. What you should be asking yourself is, “Is it gross to steal the tester?”

10. Why make an eyeshadow palette with four colors when two of them are clearly colors no one would ever wear?

What to do when the NARS eye-quad is more like an eye-half because you don’t wear mauve eyeshadow and shudder at the thought of sea green. An investment piece?

11. Should I start working here?

It would score me some serious discounts. And one fewer points-card to sign up for.

12. I might smell like a Russian bathhouse?

That’s what you get when you go H.A.M. in the perfume section.

13. Why does this Christian Louboutin nail polish cost me an arm, a leg and my Loubs?

They carry $50 nail polish, but they don’t carry MAC.

14. What’s the difference between lip crayon and lip marker?

Both sound like painting my face like a kindergartener.

15. Why. Are. There. So. Many. Colors?

I’m overwhelmed. Sephora is turning on me!

Deep breaths. Ooh, contour powder!

16. If I ask for enough samples, I won’t have to purchase it, right?

I shouldn’t feel bad because Sephora is, like, mass-produced and on every street corner and suburban mall that’s doing reasonably okay.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It