Are You A Crazy Girl?: A Satirical Piece

by Tara Kane

Ladies, it’s okay to be crazy. In fact, most people are. As Jack Kerouac once said…

“…the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

I’m here to validate your existence and to remind you that crazy comes in all forms. You may be overbearing, you may be needy and you may be promiscuous - who knows.

Here is a list of things you may do that may be considered “crazy”:

Double-text when a boy or significant other doesn’t answer you.

Well, why isn’t he answering? What could he possibly be doing that’s more important than answering my text? It just so happens that your boy may be glued to his phone when you’re around, but obviously the moment you aren’t, he will leave his phone somewhere that is not his pocket. It’d be totally crazy to think he’s not answering you on purpose.

Show up somewhere when you know perfectly well it could lead to a confrontation.

Ladies, I’m talking about the whole, “You know I just want to stop by for a drink. I want to say hi to my very best friend; she’s standing over there.” NO! You’re crazy, you totally wanted to start a fight. It’s clear to everyone you wanted to be in the same place as your boyfriend’s ex. You can’t just want to be somewhere she is without starting a fight.


Girl, you can’t be crying. “Ain’t nobody else crying right now.” Like, why are you so emotional? Are you PMSing? Jeez, you probably look crazy to everyone around you. Wait, you’re crying in public - insane.

Have a one-night stand.

Didn’t you know it’s only okay for boys to do that sort of thing? Silly girl - strange sex is for boys! It’s kind of crazy to think you wouldn’t be aware of the double standard. Society isn’t going to validate your existence if you’re out being the town strumpet, but if your ex-boyfriend does it, he’s going to be the coolest guy around.

Be sloppy at a party.

Pull yourself together. You look extremely vulnerable, and your shirt is riding up. How could you let yourself drink that much? You’re probably the only person that’s ever done that before, you wild, wild girl. Honestly, if you’re dancing around, people are going to think you’re crazy. You can’t be having that much fun.

Think a guy actually cared about you.

Hellloooo?? You couldn’t read his “I’m-a-player” vibe? How could you be so dumb? You’re supposed to read his mind when he’s actually thinking about some other girl, while he’s kissing you. It’s your fault this guy hung out with you on several occasions, wrote you a song, took you out to dinner and proceeded to say, “I don’t like you like that”.  How on earth were you thinking he actually liked you?

Okay, so I could go on for days here. The fact is, none of the “crazy actions” listed are out of the ordinary, and none of them make you any different than the next girl. We’ve all been there. Life is already difficult; don’t let someone make you think there is something wrong with you. Craziness is a cycle, and it’s perfectly normal.

If you’re getting something out of life, it will affect you in a way in which you will start to realize you are insane. Your morals will start to fade, you will start to say “whatever” often, and that is the beginning of the end. Life already throws us enough actually crazy things. So, go ahead. Send that double text.

Photos via Tumblr