What These 6 Disney Princesses Would Be Like As Modern 20-Somethings
Whether you're a mildly-interested viewer or an obsessed fanatic, you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who hasn't seen at least one Disney movie.
From adversity-themed classics to romantic fairytales, we all have that one Disney movie that successfully tugs at our heartstrings and simultaneously fills us with strong urges to reject the mediocre and instead, strive for greatness.
Or, if you're on a path of revenge and villains inspire you more than well-meaning protagonists, Disney movies provide ideas for how to be really, really devious.
Where else can you watch a creepy green woman with horns cast a spell on a young girl simply because the girl didn't invite the green lady to her birthday party?
Next time, King Stefan will probably think twice.
It's impossible, however, to discuss Disney movies without mentioning the Princesses, whose problems almost always take over the entire film.
Whether you're dealing with a mermaid who gives up her voice for legs (is that really an even trade?) or a heroine who impersonates a soldier in order to spare her elderly father from the hardships of another war (seriously, nobody noticed the boobs?), it's clear that Disney Princesses are constantly involved in a world of adolescent drama that's wrapped in lots of magic and star wishing.
In the fast-paced world of technology in which we live today, where bath salts replace fairy dust and handsome, mysterious strangers only exist under fake Tinder profiles, it's difficult to imagine a world where magical Fairy Godmothers or sensitive men turned beasts is commonplace.
It can be difficult to imagine Disney Princesses in our modern world, but when you remove the glass slippers, horse-drawn carriages and singing animals, their problems begin to feel quite familiar.
Many of the dramatic crises and hardships the Princesses face in their movies are common difficulties many modern females face today.
The issues and difficulties each princess faces in her respective film are relatable to many of our lives — they just do a lot more singing and wear more glamorous ball gowns.
Basically, when you take away the magic and fairy dust, it's just a bunch of regular females trying to overcome adversity, get the guy and look good while doing it.
Upon closer inspection, it's clear that some of the Princesses' personality traits match up perfectly with our personalities and our friends', too.
When it's all said and done, it seems like these girls would actually fit in quite well in our modern world.
You know that beautiful friend you have who's sweet, sensitive and a smidge off-kilter?
That's Cinderella. Despite some of the more odd personality traits (ie: the fact that she befriends and sings to mice in her apartment), she is gorgeous, positive and annoyingly perfect.
The only downside is she is constantly dressing to impress.
When you and all your friends decide on a casual outing at a sports bar or the movie theater, 'Ella comes dressed to the nines in heels and a dress, as if it's the most extravagant event of all time.
For some reason, she doesn't seem to understand that your outings actually aren't red carpet events with champagne, but rather, local bands playing at a dive bars, complete with red solo cups.
Furthermore, she has this knack for waking up the morning after a night out missing a shoe... I guess that's why you don't get drunk in Louboutins.
Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
Drinking way too much and passing out before she gets to the bar is Aurora's norm.
Though she's fun when she's awake, Aurora rarely gets to actually experience the bar scene since she always blacks out and subsequently falls sound asleep after the third round of shots.
When she does wake up, she's always completely confused about the previous night's events and constantly wonders why everyone let her sleep for so long.
In addition to suffering from possible narcolepsy, she's always meeting really handsome, mysterious men at the oddest places, but falls asleep on them the second they get too close.
While her therapist is convinced she's subconsciously closing herself off to men for fear of getting hurt, her friends think she should just cut back on the raspberry shooters.
Belle is that friend everyone worries about because she just doesn't seem to live in the real world.
If her head isn't stuck in a fantasy novel, it's high in the clouds, daydreaming about a character from one of her books.
An aspiring writer, who is convinced that technology is just another way for the government to spy on us, Belle is saving herself for the fictional characters she discovers in her books.
Though she remains positive and certain that each story will have a happy ending, it's sometimes difficult to reel her back in and force her to face reality.
Furthermore, Belle constantly berates the usage of all social media, as she is certain the outcome will have little to no comparison to the fairytale endings in her books.
To be honest, Belle is kind of a buzzkill, but you love her anyway and keep her around, despite her lack of concrete realism.
Unlike Cinderella, Mulan doesn't feel the need to ever really dress up.
Comfortable in sweats and a t-shirt, this hardcore feminist never feels the need to impress anyone but herself.
When she's not empowering the rest of her friends about women's rights, she's intensely engaged in various battles of the sexes, challenging chauvinistic men to an arm wrestle or push-up contest (which she effortlessly wins).
Though some friends don't understand why she won't even attempt to try a little mascara, her low-maintenance personality is refreshing.
Despite being dubbed as "intimidating" or "unapproachable" by many, Mulan takes it all in stride, as she is convinced women were put on this earth to be something much more powerful than eye candy for men.
With her beautiful red hair and genetically-modified legs (the medical mystery of her tail is still under review), she's the bionic wet dream of all guys who cross her path.
The only negative is the fact that she has terrible social skills when it comes to men, and usually clams up halfway through a conversation with an attractive guy.
Furthermore, she's constantly wishing she could pick up everything and move across country to an unknown place, convinced that excitement and opportunity exists only on the opposite coast.
Though she has experienced bad luck with blind dates and a couple of creeps she met online, she remains confident that she will find the man of her dreams on the road less traveled.
Attributing her lack of social etiquette and wittiness to the fact that she just hasn't found the man who will successfully draw it out of her, the only time she seems to really relax is after a few Fireball shots.
Though it makes for an entertaining Snapchat story, the next morning, Ariel always reverts back to her mild-mannered self, eager to discover whether this will be the day she finds true love.
It's difficult to really connect with Jasmine, as she falls into the role of the typical girl who has everything, yet still hates her life.
Constantly taking selfies with her mansion looming in the background, she brings Instagram to the next level, generating constant likes and comments from adoring men, and hatred and jealousy from the females.
If her desperate cry for attention wasn't irritating enough, she constantly whines about the fact that she's always getting "catfished" by all of these guys online.
Instead of doing the necessary research and checking to see if he has any other photos, she's hooked after the first three seconds and fails to see blaring signals that this guy is actually not who he claims to be.
Those who know her find it hard not to say, "I told you so" when she calls after yet another terrible date.
She won't let you blame her for the fact that his profile made him look like a six-foot-tall basketball player, but he instead came out looking like Danny Devito.
Though we don't have kingdoms or magic on which to rely, referring to the females of our generation as modern Disney Princesses would be pretty accurate in its own right; the older we get, the more relatable their problems seem to be.
Though they didn't live in a social media frenzy of Instagram, Tinder and Snapchat, and probably never had the displeasure of being on the receiving end of cryptic d*ck pics, one thing is for certain: It was hard being a princess then, and it's just as difficult now.
Not all of us are blessed with our own horse-drawn carriages to whisk us away from terrible scenarios, but Disney Princesses and the females of today would probably still endure the same normal struggles of everyday life.
The only true difference between us and them is that they solved all their problems in ball gowns and we do it in sweats, fleece-lined leggings or skinny jeans.
Also, though men may not emulate the storybook characters we see in the movies, we're lucky enough to live in a time period when we, as females, can date who we want, make our own decisions and pave our own paths.
It may not always be a fairytale, but it will prove to serve us better than constantly living in fear about whether or not a giant sea witch will go nuclear on us when she unsuccessfully tries to steal our boyfriends.
Despite the enjoyment that comes with getting sucked into the fairytale films, I think I'll still take my chances in the real world.