47 Things I Care More About Than The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

by Gigi Engle

Another year, another Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

Usually I’d be sitting in front of my live-stream crying into a tub of Ben and Jerry’s because I look like a decaying elephant carcass next to Gisele Bündchen, but since show was moved to London this year, it feels like no one gave a f*ck what happened on Tuesday night. (Except, maybe, just how much fake-tanner was used.)

With Alessandra Ambrosia and Adriana Lima leaving the Angels' ranks after this year, it feels a little like the end of an era.

No one gave a sh*t that the gorgeous and impossibly thin Victoria’s Secret Angels didn’t eat carbs for two months to make us all feel horrible about ourselves. And, unsurprisingly, no one feels compelled to buy overpriced undergarments after watching hoards of Angels storm the stage.

No one cared; I sure as hell didn’t.

I care about a lot of important stuff, let me tell you, but the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show did not -- and will never again -- make the list.

Here are 47 things I care about more than the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show:

1. Ebola

2. The poop emoji

3. Carbs

4. Ferguson

5. Karl Lagerfeld

6. Whether or not this bread has gluten in it

7. Sex

8. The philosophy of condom usage

9. The fact that there isn’t a llama emoji

10. Bird flu

11. When "How To Get Away With Murder" comes back on

12. Dolphins

13. Maya Angelou’s new novel

14. STDs of various varieties

15. My empty fridge

16. Peanut butter

17. Cookie butter

18. Michelle Obama

19. The Food Network

20. Kourtney Kardashian’s nude pregnancy photos

21. This pimple

22. The weird mole that has appeared on my elbow

23. Velcro

24. The morality of jeggings

25. That Serial podcast

26. Thigh gaps

27. Kendall Jenner

28. Fiber

29. What I’m going to have for lunch today

30. Bleu cheese

31. How many days until "Scandal" returns

32. Boko Haram

33. Broken glass and the likeliness of getting it in my foot

34. Christmas shopping

35. What my boyfriend is getting me for Christmas

36. Why Daylight Savings time exists

37. The praying hands emoji

38. How many Twitter followers I have

39. How many Instagram followers I have

40. Charles Barkley and his stupidity

41. Why Don Lemon is allowed to be a news anchor (Seriously, why?)

42. My New Year's Eve dress

43. When the sh*t I bought on Cyber Monday will arrive

44. World peace

45. Pumpkin Spiced Lattes

46. Vacation days

47. Death