47 Innocent Things A Girl Should Absolutely Avoid After A Bad Breakup
Breaking up is tough, make no qualms about it. But there’s something that’s even tougher and more mentally taxing; it lasts long after the initial sting is over: effectively avoiding every part of your life that reminds you of your relationship.
We like to think of it as abandoning this old life in order to make room for a new one.
Others like to think of it as not having a public meltdown in the bookstore where you used to buy him his favorite nonfiction novels... you plan on coming back here.
It’s not easy and it’s going to hurt. But you’ll be a stronger person for it.
Here’s everything you have to avoid after a breakup:
1. Sleeping together again. There’s no using Carrie and Big as justification. Would you do crystal meth? No. Then don’t sleep together.
2. His scent. It’s more lethal and delicious than the homemade cookies smell.
3. The snack aisle. Move on along, girl.
4. The restaurant you went to on your anniversary.
5. The restaurant you went to every Friday night for Chinese.
6. Pretty much every restaurant you ever went to together.
7. Weddings. At least you don’t have to be his plus-one to that boring affair upstate in which you’ve hooked up with half the groomsmen.
8. That pile of his clothes still sitting in your room. Maybe keep the boyfriend hoodie for a few months time when you can look at it and not lose it in a bag of potato chips.
9. The hair place. Remember, back when he said he didn’t like bangs, he still had your best interests at heart.
10. Trader Joe’s from the hours of 6 - 8 pm when you know he’ll be there.
11. The diner where you drunkenly shared pancakes and french fries and talked about nonsense before leaving to watch the sunrise.
13. His friends.
14. Music, in general. “Stay” by Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko, specifically.
15. Subways with rampant PDA.
16. Your phone when you’re drunk. His contact name on a touch screen is way too accessible.
17. Seamless. You already do shameful things on there when you’re not upset. Don’t take this out on the deliveryman, either.
18. Sharp objects. We don’t care how shiny they are.
19. That dish you cooked together. It still burns.
20. The first creep who hits on you. He can smell it.
21. A 15-block radius of his neighborhood.
22. Your keys. His car.
23. “The Bachelor.” This time it really is all make-believe.
24. That ugly bracelet he got you for your birthday, which you pretended to wear for the duration of your relationship. And by “pretend” you mean only in the house.
25. The street that has the same name as him.
26. The scale. You should treat it like you treat your relationship: taking a break.
27. His mom’s texts, begging you to reconsider her confused son. This is awkward. All the more reason to run.
28. Revenge. It doesn’t even work as a scripted primetime television show.
29. Your Pinterest wedding board.
30. Tinder. The app has enough emotional baggage. It doesn’t need your problems thrown into the mix.
31. The tree you carved your initials in... we’re kidding here. Please tell us you are, too.
32. The blouse he stained. Actually, now would be a good time to revisit this and send him the bill.
33. His Facebook. Instagram. Social media of any kind. Including his friends’. It’s that kind of world we live in.
34. The movie “Say Anything.” You might find yourself standing outside his window with a boombox, and then what?
35. Anything that can misconstrued as a weapon.
36. That Carrie Underwood song, “Before He Cheats.” But in a fairness, you probably should have avoided that before the breakup happened.
37. The dog. You don’t want Fido to see you like this. He’s too impressionable.
38. That brand of [INSERT ALCOHOL] he introduced you to. (Crown and cokes…)
39. Those gifts he gave you. Voilà, now you have party favor handouts.
40. Old text messages and email exchanges. They’re still too heartbreaking.
41. Any rom-coms.
42. Pros/Cons lists.
43. The credit card. And your reasoning for using it.
44. Parties where you know he’ll be in attendance. Unless you’ve used number 43 to buy a really, really ridiculous outfit.
45. Pictures of the two of you together.
46. Self-pity. Self-doubt. Self-destruction.
47. The thought that you don’t deserve someone even better.