46 Things All Her Friends Know About You The Moment You Sleep With Her
For as much as we frame sex as being a private, intimate act shared between two people, we women sure like to talk about it with all our girlfriends.
The moment after a man climbs out of her bed, shuffles back into his pants and exits her apartment is his most vulnerable position -- and the guy doesn’t even know it.
The moment she shuts the door behind her and picks up her phone to recount her affair to her friends is the very point in time that the guy’s cover has totally been blown.
Everything from his body to his breath will be mentioned and asked about. Nothing is off-limits. You’re not just the topic of her affection; you’re the topic of discussion. And there you have it, men: You pass around women, and we pass around information.
Here are all the things that her girlfriends know about you right after you’ve slept with her for the first time:
1. How much you're packing. First one out of the gate, in life and on the phone.
2. What your body looks like. This one is a given.
3. If your breath smelled/ body smelled/ anything smelled. (Good or bad! We want to be on your side for this one.)
4. If you snore. But not if you don’t snore.
5. How quickly you finished. No judgment.
6. Family history.
7. Where you live.
8. Basically, A/S/L.
9. Cuddler status, including spoonage.
10. What time you left and if there was breakfast involved.
11. If you already texted her.
12. If there was a round 2.
13. Hairy chest? Hairy back? Hairy balls? Hair, anywhere?
14. What you do for a living… or at least what you lied about doing for a living.
15. Sleeping-with-socks-on culprit? Check.
16. Whether or not you wrapped it.
17. If there was morning sex.
18. Please, tell us that you cried.
19. How (un)creative you are in terms of sexual positions.
20. If you did anything weird or embarrassing, like let a fart slip out. (Well, it wasn't me.)
21. What was discussed during pillow talk. Discussions about discussions, sooo meta.
22. If you smoke weed.
23. If you were comfortable enough with each other to introduce late-night delicacies into the evening’s repertoire.
24. Dirty talk. Every word of it. And we won’t rest until we hear exactly what was said and how you said it.
25. How good you are in bed. Obviously.
26. Any special trimmings that we should know about…
27. How you looked in the morning.
28. If you paid for the drinks.
29. If you gave her your number, took hers or both. And if you’ve made plans (real or not) to see her again.
30. OK, if we’re being completely honest here, it’s more like an entire play-by-play of the morning after’s events to see if you’re really going to text her.
31. Did you make her finish? Or did she have to fake it? (Did she even bother?)
32. Boxers or briefs? Boxer-briefs?
33. Did you hear us outside playing flip cup and getting rowdy?
34. Well, we heard you. And you sound like you clearly enjoyed yourself. And our friend.
35. If you brought up your ex-girlfriend. And yeah, now we know everything about her too, except the good stuff.
36. Good butt alert!
37. ...Assplay! (Throws covers over eyes and hides!)
38. Pro-condom points.
39. What your mouth tastes like… OK, that’s enough.
40. How well you made the move.
41. If you found the right spot. It’s OK, it takes practice.
42. How far in advance you made the plan to meet-up.
43. Foreplay on-point?
44. Anything you said or revealed about yourself. Cheers!
45. If you are boyfriend material.
46. The deal breakers.
Photo Courtesy; We Heart It