11 Reasons Why B*tches Absolutely Love Their Boyfriends' Hoodies
There's one thing we can’t seem to let go of, even long after a relationship is over: our boyfriends’ hoodies.
It doesn’t matter how it ended, who loved whom more or if you never wish to see his face again because you got what you wanted out of the relationship -- the coveted hoodie.
Finding a great hoodie is like finding a great job: it can take many months, you’re not exactly sure where you’ll get it and even after you’ve gotten it, you still have to wear it in.
That’s part of the magic of your boyfriend’s hoodie, though, it’s already perfectly worn for you. And regardless of how many times you wash it, it still maintains the exact original softness.
Boyfriends’ hoodies are the ultimate closet staple. They surpass sweaters in the "coverall" category, as they are the perfect weight and rarely make you overheat.
They trump the average American Apparel heather gray zip-up because they are more comfortable, softened through years of rugby practice and hours at the library.
They have a history and are more sentimental than the mass-produced pullovers from the nearest Urban Outfitters.
Boyfriend hoodies should have their own section in department stores.
Men of all sizes could come and discard their old, gently worn hoodies, and girls who don’t have current boyfriends could come and pretend for a while. It’s a rare kind of satisfaction.
A great hoodie can’t be bought, though; it’s given to you. And that’s probably why that idea won’t work. You can’t try and purchase it from the wearer.
You can’t try and resell it to a consignment store. You won’t get much money for it. Acquiring one is difficult -- you either need a generous boyfriend or an ex-one to steal from -- which makes them all the more valuable.
Ever try taking your friend’s BF hoodie? Unlike her million pairs of t-shirts, she’ll immediately notice and she won’t counter-offer.
That’s because it’s sacred. You can’t replicate it and you certainly can’t make it yourself. Much like how you got it in the first place, there is a lot of love between you and that sweatshirt.
Here’s why bishes love their boyfriends’ hoodies:
1. They smell like their boyfriends
That is, unless, it’s more than six months since you broke up and it’s gone through the wash cycle countless times (whether that was intentional or not is your business). Boy-smell is nice until it turns to sh*t.
2. They’re large and cozy
What is it about boyfriends’ sweatshirts that make them so much more comfortable than everybody else’s?
Seriously, do they use a special underground fabric softener that’s only sold at strip clubs (to keep the furry walls plush)? Who knew guys could be so great at laundry.
3. If you break up tomorrow, at least you got something out of the relationship
When you’re broken hearted (or not) you can cuddle with something much more snuggly than your ex-boyf -- his sweatshirt.
On nights when you just want to throw something on, his sweatshirt is more dependable than he ever was.
4. He has to come back to your crib for it
That’s one way to ensure a second date. You aren’t just scoring a new hoodie, you’re scoring with a new f*ck buddy. High-fives all around.
5. You mark your territory
People know you have a boyfriend (or at least had a boyfriend) when you wear his tattered lacrosse hoodie hungover grocery shopping Sunday morning.
It’s the invisible dog collar for girlfriends, a way to say, “Oh yeah, I own this hoodie just like I own my bae.” Forget engagement rings, all you need is an oversized sweatshirt and everyone will know the truth.
6. You usually wear it after a night of f*cking
So, congratulations on that and on your sweatshirt prize. It’s way better than the skank outfit you wore there.
7. They make us feel small
Because the hoods are exaggerated, you can pretty much hide in it on the above stride of pride home.
8. You can cover your hair when it looks like sh*t
For some reason, men’s hoods seem to stay put while women’s hoodies are practically designed not to ruin your hair when a breeze comes.
9. You’re immediately ready to chill
It looks effortless and feels effortless. When you come home ready to “loc” all day (Lie On Couch), you’re already halfway there.
Chances are you don’t even change out of it when you have to go to brunch the next morning.
10. They haven't been cut into ridiculous patterns
When it comes to your ordinary pile of college sweatshirts, you've cut them up to be completely different styles.
You have the open neck, the boat neck, the off-the-shoulder, the v-neck, the fringe, the crop, the elastic gone. Your boyfriend's hoodie isn't another DIY project. It's already got everything going for it, just like the wearer.
11. It means you can hang
You're low-maintenance and don't require your boyfriend's fancy button-down to go home in. You don't need a whole new ensemble or outfit change.
You don't really care if it looks like you just got laid all night and didn't shower after. You're comfortable in your own (second) skin. And that's all that really matters.