What To Expect In A Yoga Class, Because Things Are Probably Going To Get A Little Weird
So, you're finally giving into your super zen friend's pleas to come to a yoga class with her.
I'm not going to lie to you -- your first time stepping into a yoga studio might be intimidating and full of hesitation (but I promise it gets better).
But pretty soon, you might just find yourself taking shots of wheatgrass with that bearded dude who always seems to "Om" really loudly during yoga class.
There are many unspoken things that are bound to happen in a yoga class, and these are just a few of the weirdest and wackiest out there.
In the name of #KeepingItReal, here are 14 super real things that you can expect from your first trip to the yoga studio.
1. You Notice Muscles You Never Knew You Had
Obliques? Lower back muscles? Is that you?!
I honestly thought that these babies would stay in hiding forever.
2. You Instantly Regret Wearing Your Cute, Flowy Top
Oh, so the yoga studio's website wasn't joking when it said to wear "close-fitting clothes?"
#TBT to the time I accidentally flashed the guy behind me in downward dog.
Ah, the good ol' days.
3. You Sweat -- A Lot
Prepare to have your vision compromised by an endless waterfall of sweat pouring down your face.
It's not the prettiest site, but honestly, it feels so good.
4. You Might Snooze In Savasana
Believe me, everyone's done it.
I mean, it's hard for anyone to resist dozing off as you peacefully meditate after a long day at the office.
You may even find yourself casually snoring and being gently nudged by the yogi next to you at the end of class.
5. The Dude Next To You Will Start Making Sex Noises
Yep. It's going to happen, and it's going to be weird.
Use this awkward time to practice self-control, and resist the urge to burst out laughing.
Because, TBH, you might just be making the same noises yourself a month from now.
6. Forward Fold Will Basically Force You To Sniff Your Neighbor's Ass
It literally happens in every packed yoga studio.
You and your neighbor are going to get uncomfortably close -- it's just inevitable.
At least you guys have a, um, "special" bond now, right?
7. You'll Knock Over Your Water Bottle, And It'll Be Loud AF
And of course, it will happen when the instructor says, "OK everyone, now quiet your mind."
And yes, it will sound like a dozen cannons going off on a battlefield.
But no one will hate you for it, because if we're being real, it's happened to everyone.
8. Your Stomach Will Put On A Show During Savasana
"It's a no from me," Simon Cowell inevitably scoffs somewhere in the distance.
Shut the f*ck up, stomach. You're not going to Hollywood.
9. Everyone Will Breathe Really Heavily, And It'll Freak You Out
That loud breathing you hear all around you is called ujjayi pranayama, and it's a breathing technique sometimes referred to as “ocean breath” or “hissing breath."
Your classmates are going to do it, but please don't call the paramedics when they do.
10. A Stranger Will Come Up Behind You And Grab Your Hips
It's not creepy though, I promise!
Listen, no one besides your yoga instructor is going to be down to give you a mini back massage while you're covered in sweat, so rather than fight it, just lean into the weirdness.
You might feel startled the first time your teacher adjusts you in triangle pose, but just know she's looking out for you and your body's best interests, fam.
11. You Accidentally Develop Perfect Posture
Growing an inch through a regular practice? It really does happen.
I used to have terrible posture, and after my teacher training, I actually find slouching to be pretty uncomfortable.
I didn't even actively try to fix my posture -- that's yoga just working its natural magic.
12. You'll Realize That Confidence Is Contagious
When your teacher tells you to make your breath very audible or to try a new variation of a pose that scares you, you'll probably worry at first about being judged for your inexperience.
But, in your next yoga class, you'll be surprised to find yourself feeling not only more comfortable with your surroundings, but also confident AF.
Those positive vibes are literally bouncing off the walls of your yoga studio -- let them inspire you throughout your flow.
13. You Shouldn't Be Surprised If You, Or "Someone Else," Queefs
Yup, you were all thinking it, and I said it.
Queefing is honestly like Lord Voldemort -- there's some serious "he who must not be named" sh*t going on here.
Everyone has done it or is at least capable of doing it. And when you're upside down, sometimes it's literally unavoidable.
I feel you girl, and no, you don't have to change your name and move to Argentina.
14. You'll Feel Aggressively Sore Almost Instantly
"Yoga isn't a workout."
OK, well are you going to massage my aching body or...?
Your yoga class feels so good because the practice targets those sneaky places in your body that probably haven't seen the light in quite awhile.
Embrace it, and listen to your body by giving it some much-deserved TLC.
Once you've recovered, it's the perfect time for... yep, you guessed it, more yoga.
See you on the mat, friends.