How To Cure The Kind Of Hangover You Get From Eating Too Much Sh*tty Food

Boris Jovanovic

I had hardcore PMS last week. Like, could-eat-an-entire-moose-and-would-still-eat-your-head-off PMS. The problem is, I'm a pretty small girl with a pretty small stomach, but pre-period, I've got the appetite of a mama anaconda. So when I stuff my face, my body feels it. A lot.

One Friday -- a Friday I'd hoped would shape up to be like any other Friday -- I decided it would be a good idea to have a jumbo-sized bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for breakfast. Then lunch rolled around, and it was pizza Friday at work, so naturally I had not one, not two, but THREE slices.

By midday, I could feel myself crashing from all the sugar and grease I'd eaten. Because I was feeling so sh*tty, I grabbed even more sh*tty food. Might as well go all in, right?

I reached for more chocolate, more cake, more sugary goodness. I wasn't even hungry and I knew it would make me feel horrible the next day, but in the moment, it all just tasted too great. That evening, I eventually passed out with my hand by a Nutella jar. (No, that is not a metaphor. It actually happened.)

Just as I suspected, I woke up the next morning with what I like to call a sodium hangover: a horrible headache, an insatiable thirst, an incredible sluggishness and puffy AF eyes. All I wanted to do was go back to bed.

When I looked in the mirror, I didn't look like myself. I looked like one of the Teletubbies. My reflection shook its finger at me. I KNOW, I said back. I chugged a bottle of water.

Later that evening, I FaceTimed with my sister. She told me I looked tired AF and OVER it.

“I have a sodium hangover, and it's even worse than a wine hangover,” I said.

“You have a what?

"A sodium hangover is when you eat way too much - like, more than your poor body can handle - and feel the wrath the following day," I explained. She had no clue what I was talking about.

I feel like no one talks about sodium hangovers. I guess the closest thing to them would be food comas, but a sodium hangover is a food coma with that added next-day weariness.

People do occasionally talk about salt hangovers, the kind of hangover you get from eating too many chips or garlic knots. But a sodium hangover is a bit different from a salt hangover. Unlike a salt hangover, a sodium hangover can happen even if you stay away from salt and munch purely on sugar. It turns out that sodium is found even in things like baking soda and baking powder, which could explain why you feel really low after eating a ton of brownies or cake.

Curing your sodium hangover is pretty similar to curing a salt hangover. First, you have to drink way more water than usual. I'm talking, like, a gallon. Adding in some fresh-squeezed lemon or orange juice is an added bonus.

Secondly, it's recommended to scarf down a balanced meal, like a baked potato, spinach and some halibut. It'll get your body feeling semi-happy again.

Last but not least: EXERCISE. Sweat out that sh*t. Working out is going to feel like the absolute last thing you'll want to do the day of your hangover, but you will feel like a goddess once that bag's worth of Reese's is finally out of your system.

Still -- just like with an alcohol hangover -- it's probably best to prevent the sodium hangover from happening in the first place. Maybe have one Reese's instead of four, or one slice of pizza instead of half a pie. Oh, and drink a LOT of water during the day so you don't wake up in the middle of the night as parched as a marathon runner.

Am I going to suffer from any more sodium hangovers ever? Of course I am. I'm human, and food is just too good.