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Tom Brady's Miserable Diet Completely Sucks The Joy Out Of Eating

Far be it for me to question Tom Brady's nutritional choices.

I mean, the dude is a four-time Super Bowl champion, three-time Super Bowl MVP and is playing some of the best football of his career at age 38.

However, after reading this interview with Brady's personal chef, Allen Campbell, I'm not sure the promise of all the Super Bowl rings on the planet would make me want to eat lentil buckwheat footballs every night.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Campbell, who's reportedly all about plant-based diets, talked to Boston.com about the Brady family's diet. He said,

So, 80 percent of what they eat is vegetables. [I buy] the freshest vegetables. If it's not organic, I don't use it. And whole grains: brown rice, quinoa, millet, beans. The other 20 percent is lean meats: grass-fed organic steak, duck every now and then, and chicken. As for fish, I mostly cook wild salmon... Tom recently outed Frosted Flakes and Coca-Cola on WEEI. I love that he did that. Sugar is the death of people.

Campbell, who once worked at the Gansevoort Hotel in Miami, Florida, continued,

No white sugar. No white flour. No MSG. I'll use raw olive oil, but I never cook with olive oil. I only cook with coconut oil... I use Himalayan pink salt as the sodium. I never use iodized salt. [Tom] doesn't eat nightshades, because they're not anti-inflammatory. So no tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms or eggplants. Tomatoes trickle in every now and then, but just maybe once a month. I'm very cautious about tomatoes. They cause inflammation. What else? No coffee. No caffeine. No fungus. No dairy.

Damn. So, tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms and eggplants, which you would probably cook up and assume you're eating healthy, are actually terrible for you based on Brady's diet. Good to know.

No coffee or caffeine of any sort? That's straight savagery, Brady.

And if you think that part is bad, just try and guess how many dehydrators Campbell keeps in Tom's kitchen. Give up? Campbell has three dehydrators at his disposal.

He also makes raw granola and raw chocolate chip cookies, but something tells me raw chocolate chip cookies aren't nearly as good as the ones we all treat ourselves to from time to time.

Campbell also shared how he's all about meals served in bowls, saying,

I use kale or Swiss chard or beet greens. I add garlic, toasted in coconut oil. And then some toasted almonds, or this cashew sauce with lime curry, lemongrass, and a little bit of ginger. That's just comfort food for them.

Comfort food?

Nah, man. Comfort food is macaroni and cheese, not beet greens and cashew sauce.

Most of the food Campbell prepares for Tom Brady and his family appears to come from Whole Foods, but farmers' markets and a few Boston-area specialty shops also play their parts.

All the respect in the world to Brady and Campbell, but I think I'll brave the arctic temps to find the nearest Chipotle.

Citations: Meet the chef who decides what Tom Brady eats—and what he definitely doesn't (Boston.com)